Been taking care of myself, amazing how fast I can cycle through the stages of grief anymore...lol. I was angry at the way she did this, but finally reminded myself and accepted that this was the best she could manage. Every other BD was done face-to-face, and she seemed really confident in her choices. This time not so much maybe, idk.
Been thinking a lot...here's what I am thinking right now, which is subject to change.
She has told me many times that she doesn't want to be married to me, or anyone for that matter. Time I really listened and let her go. I do love her, but maybe like with kids, comes a time when you have to let them go and discover their own path on their own.
Looking back through the M, and her family history, there is a lot of emotional/mental instability, which i know and accept would be part of any reconciliation. But have to or want to have in my life anymore until she resolves it.
The kids need/want this resolved, this limbo has been really hard on them and they are voicing it now. Maybe it's time for creating whatever the new normal is going to be.
As far as divorcing or SA...a SA in my state is just like a divorce, except you are still legally married. I don't see the point. And it would signal, perhaps, that I am still standing/waiting. She doesn't want me too.
And, I am tired. I feel confident that I did everything I could. Even MIL and 2 of her brothers said so when we talked.
It was so odd how she seemed to really be more herself, cleaning when she was here with the boys, buying a couple little things for the house, etc, they commented on it. After S1 and I got home from our backpack trip it "felt" really kinda normal...I guess that's why I was feeling that she wasn't done. Then last week she was barely here on her days, and total silence texting, phone, etc.
Anyway, those are my thoughts as of now, nothing finalized yet. processing.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
