Wife and I have been married 14 years + 4 years dating. We have two kids, 6 and 3.
I have cheated on her (escort services) numerous times over the span of 5 years (2006-2011). I stopped in 2011 (and to this day never have the desire to go back to that lifestyle). She still stayed with me. Minimal effort was made to mend the underlying issues which were destroying our marriage. She has tried to forgive and forget, but says she cannot.
Recently, I found out that she has been having an affair with a coworker for 3 months. She says he's his "soulmate", and she sees a future with him, up to and including marriage. She says she didn't know she could have these feelings, and that she's finally happy.
The biggest problem? She wants us to remain friends, and she wants me to remain a father figure in the children's lives. She truly believes that this will have minimal impact on the children. She says I'm an amazing father, so it's like she has the father figure for the kids, and gets to be happy with her "soulmate". It's as if she thinks she can have her cake and eat it too. She sees no wrong in this, and she sees herself as the victim in this situation. I see her as the one who is breaking up this family.
Since this has happened, I've sought counseling and gained an increase in confidence and self-esteem. My work and day-to-day life has improved as far as getting things done.
My fear is that by remaining amicable about this situation, I am making her think this is OK. She tells me to keep up my positive attitude.
Also, we went to see a counselor together, and agreed to a 2-month "trial period" before she makes her final decision. She has very little confidence that she will come back to me, as she said point blank.
During this trial period, the ground rules are:
* She is allowed only business-related interaction with the OM during the week. * She is allowed one half day on the weekend with the OM. * She wants to have one full day each weekend as a family (just the 4 of us). This was her idea. * We are to sleep in separate beds (as we did most of the time anyways, because of my clingy daughter who can't sleep without mom -- a separate issue.) * No physical/intimate contact at first except holding hands. "Baby steps", as she says.
I tried to tell her that for any sort of trial period to work, that she needs to cut off personal contact with the OM. But she wouldn't agree to that.
Am I in a totally hopeless situation here? Is she just stringing me along just to let time heal my pain and sort out logistics of our separation? She says she's not stringing me along. She says that she hasn't completely shut the door on me.
