Not Giving Up

[Thornton]

So just had my therapy appointment.

Learned alot about attachment styles. Healthy vs non-healthy. He gave me some reading homework to do.

He also thinks WAW might be thinking that she doesnt want to ruin MY life. That she has a lot of shame/guilt from her past and that she might wonder if she is good enough for ME.

Interesting take on it. Strictly mind reading but it does make me wonder. I know WAW has a lot of shame issues from her past (abusive relationships/alcoholism/crazy upbringing).

IC also said I need more balance in my life (GAL). I brought up skydiving and he thinks that would be really good for me considering I'm petrified of heights.

[PeterV2]

Go ahead & jump!
As for a rebound girl, I personally wouldn't do it. It's not tit for tat. I'm being faithful. I'm sticking to my vows. I promised my W for better or for worse, and it can't get much worse than this, but I'm sticking to it. If we get D'd then it's a whole different ball game. But while I'm still married, even to a WAW who had an affair, I'm keeping my nose clean. Just MHO. Last thing I need is for her to have a reason to D. She has nothing now but her own dilemma to deal with. I'm squeaky clean. And the H only a fool would leave.

[Thornton]

Thanks, Peter.

No OW for me either. I have no interest in other women right now. I need to fix me before doing anything.

I do miss companionship though. And I miss physical touch as well.

[pilot]

Thorn,

Saw your posting in IH about you being down. I know it can be tough when NC but that is WHY you need to detach. And I know it is easier said than done. But when you do, you WILL find that calmness which will go along way in making things better for you...regardless of how your relationship ends up. Remember, it is the LBS who truly detach who have the greatest success in winning their partner back. Really and truly work on it. GAL is the best way. You can do it.

And quit trying to second guess why your fiance is doing this. I know it might help you feel better to assume maybe she thinks she feels she isnt good enough for you or will be bringing you down. But odds are that is not the case, and those thoughts will only pollute your DB efforts as well as make it harder to detach.

[Thornton]

Pilot, thanks.

I was doing well there for a while. When I go to IC, we rehash the events of the week and sometimes it gets me reeling again.

I guess that's all part of the roller coaster. Yay...

[ItHurts]

Yeah Thorn I came here to check in after your post in my thread. Don't worry, WAW will contact you again. You waited 5 weeks the first time and in spite of your doubt it happened. What's a mere 5 days now? Give her her time, when she's ready she'll contact you again.

[pilot]

Then leave your fiance out of IC. Spend that time on you. Rehashing is just throwing salt on your wound.

[Thornton]

We're getting there, Pilot. He's really encouraging me to challenge myself and face my fears.

I like that he is goal oriented. Now that we've had a few sessions together and understands me, we're going to start setting some goals and working towards them.

What kinds of things are you doing to GAL?

[Thornton]

I'm still working on detaching. It's hard to force myself to do things sometimes.

I was half-expecting WAW to text me today (she's texted the last 2 Sundays) but no such luck. I know not to have expectations but it still hurts that we have no contact at all.

[rayzzz]

I'm still working on detaching. It's hard to force myself to do things sometimes.

I was half-expecting WAW to text me today (she's texted the last 2 Sundays) but no such luck. I know not to have expectations but it still hurts that we have no contact at all.

Hang in there man, totally feel for you and the disappointment you are feeling. This part gets hard when we start getting a bit consumed with "I wonder why she didn't contact me"...and then off we go on rabbit trails. You can keep in the game and find that "go to GAL" when you need to refocus. Mine is my new love for the gym and I have a new bunch of female friends in a crowd I have started to hang out with. (just friends!) better yet being with your daughter.
Soldier on man, got your back.