It's been a long time since I last posted on newcomers...around 12 months ago! But I have still been keeping an eye on the boards every few weeks.
A while back I decided I really needed a change to my approach. I found myself still caught up in the rollercoaster, not fully detached and if I am honest, still viewed this as a temporary situation (albeit a long one) where eventually W would come back to me and all would be a bed of roses.
In short I needed a break, needed to get away from posting on the boards to truly focus on moving forwards with a life without W and not in this limbo state where I was doing all the GAL stuff and 180's, but still not accepting the M was possibly over for good.
I needed to drop the rope!
So the last 12 months it is exactly what I have done. No more cosy chats with W at pick ups and drop-offs of S, keep polite, keep positive but accepting that W is not coming back and keep the R firmly on a neighbourly type of footing. I basically pulled right back.
I had to do it to preserve my sanity and within weeks I felt more relaxed and like the world was lifted off my shoulders.
About April this year I notice some changes:
W trying to tell me more at pick ups, however, S is so excited to go and do our things together that it has become difficult to stay and talk. She then started commenting that we don't get time to talk anymore and has said this now on a number of occasions. I usually respond by saying you know how to get hold of me and keep it at that.
On S birthday I arranged a part for S on the weekend I had him. W didn't organise anything for the actually day but invited me around to spend the evening with them both. I played with S, took control and got him bathed and put him to bed. W followed us around the whole time and commented how nice it was to have someone just takeover. Later we have a coffee and W spends about 1.5 hours updating me on stuff (I couldn't get a word in!)....then gets onto what I believe is the cause of her MLC...abandonment issues. When she was young, her father died and her mother from what it seems had some sort of breakdown and basically ignored the kids. W has never forgiven her and in the year or so before BD was obsessed with this.
I did the wrong thing initially by trying to fix it, realised what I was doing and quickly moved to shutting my mouth and validating.
She always comes to the end of the driveway to wave me and S off, (initially she used to just go in and close the door as soon as we got in the car, we did have a short spell of hugs etc early post her leaving but that fizzed out).
Her texts started to be more friendly. I know I can't read into this but instead of simple texts to that keep to the point she now starts with Hi(my name) etc and even makes jokes. I vary times between texting back and still don't initiate contact, no R talk etc.
But...about 4 weeks ago she texted me saying we needed to talk about divorce and new relationships. Only the 2nd time she mentioned the big D in all this time! I replied saying fine just let me know when is convenient, she said she would and I have not heard back. It did catch me off guard a bit though!
Whilst I have read so much on MLC I am not sure now how to handle the current sitch. Do I carry on as I am, am I thinking too much into this or do I need to stop dropping the rope (its been about 12 months, sitch now nearly 2 years) and start to work on building a connection with her again.
Any help is appreciated and as always thanks to all who post on these boards and give up their time to give advice.
