Well a good lunch got me out of that funk yesterday. Must have been low blood sugar or something!
W emailed me a doc yesterday afternoon that I needed. I replied with a Thank You, and let her know that with that last piece of info I was able to get the refi on her car sent out before last call for UPS.
Appreciative, short.
Feeling back on my DB game today. (not to imply it's a game)
Cleaning up all these odds and sods miniscule financial accounts that I have accumulated over the years has been a pain, but it's kind of a relief now to have everything simplified. (goal is to simplify D paperwork, if it comes to that.)
I'd like to do the same thing with all my collected crap in the basement this weekend. Okay, at least make a dent.
I have a couple of friends who have recently reduced their worldly possessions to what can be held in the back of a pickup truck, and they seem to be happier for it. I'd like to at least get to the point where the thought of moving out of the house doesn't seem impossible.
Well a good lunch got me out of that funk yesterday. Must have been low blood sugar or something!
W emailed me a doc yesterday afternoon that I needed. I replied with a Thank You, and let her know that with that last piece of info I was able to get the refi on her car sent out before last call for UPS.
Appreciative, short.
Feeling back on my DB game today. (not to imply it's a game)
Cleaning up all these odds and sods miniscule financial accounts that I have accumulated over the years has been a pain, but it's kind of a relief now to have everything simplified. (goal is to simplify D paperwork, if it comes to that.)
I'd like to do the same thing with all my collected crap in the basement this weekend. Okay, at least make a dent.
I have a couple of friends who have recently reduced their worldly possessions to what can be held in the back of a pickup truck, and they seem to be happier for it. I'd like to at least get to the point where the thought of moving out of the house doesn't seem impossible.
Wise man. And a better man than me when it comes to that stuff, Zew!
W just called from MIL's place where's she and the kids are on vacation. I've been in touch with D13 every day, but this is the first time W's called since Tuesday morning. (when I was in a funk.)
Nothing special; she just wanted to know how I was doing. I was cheerful, kept it light. Asked her about the baseball game she took the kids to yesterday, how her mother was, nieces, etc. Chit chat.
I told her I hoped she was finding time to relax, and she said she really planned to take this next week off.
I was only remarkable in that she took the time to call. It was a nice gesture, and nothing more.
I was surprised that she didn't ask for money. Her credit card has said $0 credit for a couple of days now.
So, she may have got her check from her first sale. I ask about once a week if she's closed anything yet and she always says no, but I know that she was jumping up and down one day with posse saying she had her first commission and she planned to pay off some of her overdue cards with it.
Not sure why she's keeping her sales a secret. It will eventually come out one way or another. I hope she doesn't have a mind that she is going to file taxes separately, because it will cost us literally thousands and thousands of dollars if she does that. Even if I filed for D today, we would still be married at the end of the year and we really ought to file taxes jointly. I haven't said a thing about it because there's a lot of road between here and there, and she would again take my meticulous financial planning for "controlling her money". I just hope she is setting aside something for her taxes on that income and doesn't plan to stick me with that.
Other alternatives are: 1) she is just running up debt on some new card. 2) OM gave her some cash - I kind of doubt that. 3) MIL broke down - unlikely - MIL is really not happy with W. 4) SIL broke down - that will never happen.
Zew, stop worrying about W and what she is doing. I know it is hard, but it is not helping you to detach. I am really hung up on the benefits of detaching because it took me from an emotional wrecking ball to a calm and peaceful state of mind. I wish I could share that calmness I have with others right now. Since I cannot I can only stress the importance of detaching. That means quit worrying about her money, quit worrying about her job, quit worrying about her friends/family. None of that should exist in your world right now. The only thing which should exist is you, and what you are doing for yourself. If/when she approaches you or makes contact, you can allow her into your world for a brief moment. Be polite, be happy and upbeat. But be brief. Your world is a fast moving place and you are extremely busy living it. She is just a neighbor knocking on the door for a cup of sugar. Give her the sugar, then close the door and forget she ever came by.
You can do it!
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
Zew, stop worrying about W and what she is doing. I know it is hard, but it is not helping you to detach. I am really hung up on the benefits of detaching because it took me from an emotional wrecking ball to a calm and peaceful state of mind. I wish I could share that calmness I have with others right now. Since I cannot I can only stress the importance of detaching. That means quit worrying about her money, quit worrying about her job, quit worrying about her friends/family. None of that should exist in your world right now. The only thing which should exist is you, and what you are doing for yourself. If/when she approaches you or makes contact, you can allow her into your world for a brief moment. Be polite, be happy and upbeat. But be brief. Your world is a fast moving place and you are extremely busy living it. She is just a neighbor knocking on the door for a cup of sugar. Give her the sugar, then close the door and forget she ever came by.
I have an appointment with my attorney first thing in the morning. It's all pretty tactical. Among the things I need to know:
- what does the 15 year marriage threshold really mean to me (I think it means about a year and a half of extra alimony)
- do I care, since I'll hit retirement age by then, which ends alimony.
- is it worthwhile to delay filing while my W builds up her income, thereby reducing alimony, but at the same time not hitting the $250K income threshold, that kicks in more alimony.
- For tax reasons, it is worth a chunk of change for me to be married on Dec 31. I don't want to screw that up so I need to know what counter action can come from any action I take.
- now that W has an income, what is the effect of me reducing the monthly amount I give her for family food/clothing. (given that she spends a significant part of that on her own clothes)
- what am I not protecting? I know that W and posse can be very dangerous.
- the whole pre-marital asset thing. I have it pretty much figured out except for a few stocks.
- I have a financial statement now for each of us. What's the outlook?
Basically, I am plotting the curves to see how long I can let this situation run, leaving it up to W to either have an epiphany or file on her own, before I am compelled to file in my best interest.
This isn't to say I'm going to file, or not going to file, or when, it's just the mathematician/scientist in me wanting to have as much info at hand as possible in order to make a reasonable decision. (which in itself is absurd, since we're dealing with matters of the heart.) And yet, here I am, applying order to chaos. It's what I do. W would say that's part of the problem. (It's unfortunate that W didn't know me as a teenager.)
BTW, my attorney has been D'd. Based on my A&B with DW case last month (he talked my W through the marital privilege thing), he says "Run! Run fast!" I kind of disregard that since D is his business. However, I have to see if this guy will let me take him out for drinks!
So, what am I forgetting to ask attorney, while I have him "for free"?
I had a good meeting with my attorney this morning. He was impressed to see that I had all my financials done, child support worksheet done, alimony worksheet done, supporting data in place, so we were able to have a productive meeting.
Property division should go pretty much as I thought.
The support/alimony would kind of look like what I pay for W's car payment plus her CC bill, so it's kind of a wash as far as my monthly cashflow is concerned.
Then there's timing. If I'm going to get a D, somebody needs to file within the next 14 months. After that, I get hurt bad on alimony and property division. But up until 14 months, the longer neither of us files, the better off I am, as W's increased earnings will lower support, increase the assets to be split, and I won't have to pay as much of W's legal bills.
And then he gave me a ball park idea of what it would cost to get the D done. Yeow.
So, now I know all those answers. Seems I have a fair amount of time, if it's left up to me. Now, how to use it most productively for me and the kids.
). 
