She says she's conflicted

[Starsky309]

Wow.

Look, I know you love your wife and all, but considering her mental and emotional state, and her unrepentant infidelity . . . and how reactive you are to it all . . .

I personally don't see how you can even BEGIN to work on your own (considerable) issues while with her. Not in her current state.

I hate to say this, but I actually think you might BOTH be better divorced, work on your own stuff, maybe start dating each other again down the road after you're both in more healthy places, and who knows, maybe you end up back together?

About 20% of divorced couples do.


Starsky

[Oxford1]

Hi 25!!

I read your post on Redhawks thread. I read the letter you posted on mine and it really really sunk in. I swear my WAW could have written it.

The other post you put up is exactly what I have been thinking

She complains I talk to much that I go round and round. That I keep trying to convince her that OM is a fake Phony fraud (He is by the way I have proof). That there is something wrong with him that he never found Miss right in 53 years. That the Miss right God picked for him was a married woman with 2 Sons!! Its just to much of me repeating the same thing over and over..

Anyhow, the other part of your comments was the part about Protecting and size and strength.

Thatpartly is why I have focused on his fake phony fraud Military record.

She kept commenting over the past couple of years that I was in the best shape of my life. She also is in amazing shape. And yes even though she can hold her own against most men and especially women I still have almost 75 lbs of Muscle over her.

OM is 6'2 and when fat 225 now because of the diet she gave him and a medical scare hes about 185. She even said he is kind of scrawny. She does believe he has this super secret IDF move that can take down any man...He tells her things like a child would to his friends...

So he has told her that he is rescuing her from me and from America, that the relationship with him is a rebirth.

He texts and calls her ten times a day to make sure she has not been assaulted etc..meanwhile twice while shes off running with him she got hurt, one time severely enough to put her Fitness competition career into early retirement!

I can act like a caveman i know that, I can be very intimidating. She told the MC that she feels like shes trapped when we argue and can not escape.

Last weekend even though she started I stayed quiet, but she said she felt like she could not leave the car.

Now she is bringing up how last July when I knew she was in an EA and that OM was here I still had sex with her before she went to see him..How it was like rape...then she admits she had an orgasm but says it was real but I forced her to!!!!!

She said the OM tells her that I am sick and perverted because I wanted to be WITH MY WIFE...but hes not sick and perverted having an affair with a married woman.

I realize that I have to STFU and walk away and hope that she sees the ilogic I did tell her though that if I see him in our state I am going to break him in two...

[Oxford1]

Wow.

Look, I know you love your wife and all, but considering her mental and emotional state, and her unrepentant infidelity . . . and how reactive you are to it all . . .

I personally don't see how you can even BEGIN to work on your own (considerable) issues while with her. Not in her current state.

I hate to say this, but I actually think you might BOTH be better divorced, work on your own stuff, maybe start dating each other again down the road after you're both in more healthy places, and who knows, maybe you end up back together?

About 20% of divorced couples do.


Starsky

that why now I say she should have got an apartment I could have gone completely dark, pushed her towards OM and let her see hes a freging nut job.

Why I even fight for her anymore I don't know...

[KenF]

"Why I even fight for her anymore I don't know..."

I have a theory that as the situation continues without positive progress, there comes a point in which the LBS becomes the WAS.

I believe you have to take a break from pursuing and from trying to win her back, and not only fix yourself, but take time to consider what the R would be like if she suddenly changed her mind and dropped OM and came back.

Would you be able to get past her transgressions? could you truly forgive? and not hold it over her head?

I know, for me, even while i was pursuing, and trying to save the marriage, i also realized i could not.

[Cadet]

"Why I even fight for her anymore I don't know..."

I have a theory that as the situation continues without positive progress, there comes a point in which the LBS becomes the WAS.

This is more than a theory, more like a truth!

And until one "lets go" their is no chance of return.

[Oxford1]

"Why I even fight for her anymore I don't know..."

I have a theory that as the situation continues without positive progress, there comes a point in which the LBS becomes the WAS.

I believe you have to take a break from pursuing and from trying to win her back, and not only fix yourself, but take time to consider what the R would be like if she suddenly changed her mind and dropped OM and came back.

Would you be able to get past her transgressions? could you truly forgive? and not hold it over her head?

I know, for me, even while i was pursuing, and trying to save the marriage, i also realized i could not.

I have my demons. I did things that I am ashamed of.(no affairs though)
I feel I could forgive.

The issue is the fact that she fell for a fake phony fraud, and was more interested in his happy go lucky con man life style is what bothers me more than what she may or may not have done with him.

[MrBond]

"The issue is the fact that she fell for a fake phony fraud, and was more interested in his happy go lucky con man life style is what bothers me more than what she may or may not have done with him."

You really need to let this go. If it's not him it will be someone else.

[Oxford1]

"The issue is the fact that she fell for a fake phony fraud, and was more interested in his happy go lucky con man life style is what bothers me more than what she may or may not have done with him."

You really need to let this go. If it's not him it will be someone else.

I agree, but she said she was not looking.
I get hung up because he was the first man she befriended that had no relation to us, our friends, work etc...

[Oxford1]

She called me from work like a wife would call.

Normal conversation. Tells me she loves me. I tell her I don't want to be the reason she cries. She says, that's impossible in the next 20 years she can't see something not happening that would make her cry.

So one minute she's ready to leave the next 20 years?

I guess I need to listen acknowledge and ignore all at the same time

[Oxford1]

So what if she fell for a well to do professional business man who truly fell in love with her?

Would that make this any easier? If he was a " good guy" ?

Any guy would have been a fake phony fraud , right?

No, I would have been upset, but this is ridiculous.
Seriously if she saw him on the beach or even in town she would have either made a disparaging remark about him to me or she would have just looked the other way.

She also decided that she's not ever going to live in Israel. She likes her job, her sons and family are here and she just does not want to move there.

She then says he never wants to live here.
.
Then she says they will marry and he will do whatever she wants him to do...

She can't even convince him to not come to the USA this summer!