Originally Posted By: Starsky309
Originally Posted By: Oxford1

I asked her calmly to not have hime come here again..



This makes you look WEAK, which is also something we're trying to get you to work on. It's not an easy trick to pull off, Ox, but you have somehow managed to come across as BOTH "weak" and "controlling" all at the same time. (((rolls eyes)))

You don't ASK her to end her affair. And you don't TELL her, either (that is controlling). You TELL her that YOU cannot live in an open marriage (which you've already done, so don't tell her this again) and that you both have decisions to make.

And then you LEAVE IT, and work on yourself.

Can you see how you are simultaneously telling HER not to bring up OM, but then YOU are???


Starsky



Yes, and double yes...I actually realized that when she left for work.

Mixed messages...You know she says that I send two opposing messages to her all the time.

Even today I told her that I was exhausted, that if she feels hes the better man leave. I would use an email she sent where she admits her affair to go to the judge and get her out of the house.
she started crying and screaming that I was going to ruin her that if I took an email she trusted me with and used it to ruin her. She knows that I never wanted the collaborative divorce, I tricked her into cancelling the divorce just so I could litigate and take everything from her..She was crying like a manic person.

I said woo wait a minute I thought OM was going to feed and protect you and take care of you the rest of your life, what are you so worried about...More tears and real crying real not her manipulative cr@p...

Then she said, the truth is I hate you, I want out, after the two years even and when OM is out of the picture I just dont want to be married to you anymore do you get it.!!

So I told her fine then leave now.

This weekend pack your bags and leave.

20 seconds later total calmness, friendliness telling me shes conflicted, telling me its to volatile right now shes telling OM to stay away, if he comes anyway shes going to dump him for not listening to her..hugs and kisses me before work..

I think I am dealing with a Manic Depressive..