She comes from a very bad family background where her dad left her mom, brother and her for OW when my wife was 10 and her brother 7. He left them while they were on vacation 1000 miles from home after his OW said she wanted him to come back. He left her mom, a boat, a camper and the kids and flew back home. When they got home he had moved to another state! He never paid ANY child support, drug the divorce out for ten years so he didn't have to give her ANY money at all. He put his business in his OW's name and all her mom got was the house.My wife had little contact with him growing up and always felt "uncomfortable" around him.
Wow, I just had my own epiphany when re-reading this.
So, I've been terrified of what's ahead...mainly for my kids. I had a broken home with a terrible divorce and, I guess, a part of me feels that because my children are going through this same experience...that means they have now been given a death sentence when it comes to THEIR OWN marriages and children. That, because I had this happen, this means that THEY too will, now that their father has abandoned them, have a similar experience and the cycle will continue.
This doesn't have to be the case though, does it?
In another sense, this experience could actually mean they learn how to relate to men in a different way and be even better mothers and wives...wives who have their own lives and don't feel dependent on their husbands for their happiness.
I didn't have that. I had a mom who was (still is) very addicted to men. I watched her jump from a broken marriage into another broken marriage with an even more outwardly abusive man.
I didn't see a parent rise above the situation she was given and work on herself. I saw the opposite. I saw a parent who was terrified of life and threw herself into another bad relationship to avoid the feelings of abandonment that came up.
I married Smokey after I was kicked out of my house because of my abusive stepdad. I retreated to a relationship at 19 and a man and I always expected Smokey to BE that parent/safety net for me. I literally, showed up on Smokey's doorstep and asked him to take me in. I DID THE SAME THING MY MOM DID.
I was afraid and sought safety in a relationship.
Today's ordeal could, as horrible as it is, be the very experience that gives our children successful families someday.
Wow. Sorry to hijack.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
