I know I'm probably more like her than I want to be. I've spent 20+ years watching myself to try to avoid being ungenerous, "should ing" myself and the world, letting go of small irritations, accepting people as I find them. I find myself more like her in my smallest ways -- sometimes when I parent for example, reflexive things that it can take me a while to recognize.
It's the last morning of our vacation. I'm feeling sad and tired. I don't want to go home to my destroyed marriage. I don't want to face possibly losing my house, figuring out how to get a job & then juggling it with caring for my kids. I don't want to have to figure out how to keep my husband at arms length because I'm afraid of being hurt again (and again and again). I don't want to go back to IC and be counseled on letting go of a dead relationship. I don't want this to be how my life has turned out after all my hard work and sacrifice for what I thought was my husband's happiness. I want to be loved and cared for and enjoyed.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
