KGirl - post-move

[KGirl]

I'm half scared to death, half excited about this trip... I haven't done my usual pre-planning because I've been in "survival mode" still after moving ("shoot, I don't have a trash can... where is the dish soap?... I don't have any milk") but I have all day Saturday to get organized and make sure I have all my travel-sized toiletries When I start to get anxious about going by myself and feeling alone I remind myself I don't have to force myself to go out and see everything just because I'm there, I can always go to my room for a bit and watch some cable, then re-enter the world. My MO for vacations is usually "I must see everything or I feel like I'm wasting time!" so I'm going to try and relax more and just do what I feel like doing at the time I feel like doing it, even if I don't do everything on my list. I've got a couple of "must-do" activities but they add up to one or two a day so there should be plenty of time. I know I am capable of the logistics and all, more scared about being lonely and not having someone to share the experience with (guess that's why there's Facebook, right? )

I don't have as much to say anymore now that H isn't a part of my daily life. I still have lots of what-if anxieties but I think I'm doing better at acknowleding them when they come and noting that there's not much I can do about them so no need to ruminate on them. Things like "what if he sleeps with someone else? what if he doesn't miss me?" A friend commented today that H is posting a lot more on Facebookthan he ever has in the past and that he sounds lonely. Interesting.

I checked out a book I THOUGHT would be helpful about ambivalence in relationships and how to figure out if you should stay in one or not. Basically the book asked you a bunch of questions and then said if you answered negatively to any of them, that that means you should end your relationship because one negative thing outweighs any of the positive answers (??). And, the very first point was "If you've done something to remove your partner from your life, like made plans to move, you've already ended your relationship and your mind is in fact made up." Umm... ok. So according to the book, me moving means I'm actually done and shouldn't bother with trying to get back together (the "research" for this book is based on what the author says most people regret or don't regret doing when they are in similar situations.) I guess I should keep in mind that the book is made for people who are initiating the choice of what to do, not people who are left with different choices because of ones their partner has already made. That was a pretty cr*ppy book. I think I'll stick with DR and my codependency books!