What to do II

[Ben2010]

Always good to hear from you rayzzz,
Yeah Im trying to not read too much into her asking for a date. Of course my initial reaction was that of a young schoolgirl, but I have since come to my senses and realized that it is just a stepping stone to where I want to be.

Yeah it seems that porn has gotten a hold on many people since Ive been paying attention to it. Youre right it does feel great to not look at it and know that you dont have to. I pray every night for the strength and will power to continue doing what Im doing. I will see if I can find that as an Ebook or something. I dont want it laying around the house really. The W told me that it disgusts her just to hear the word. Thanks for the support glad to see another success story coming out of this. Also glad there are a few people on here that can relate to it. Makes me not feel quite so awkward.

[labug]

Hi Ben, I don't think I've posted on your thread before. I read a couple of your posts on other threads and came her to find out more about you and your story.

Here's what stood out for me. When you want to express a negative about someone, including yourself, it seems the most disparaging comparison you can come up with is a young girl. You did it in the post just before this one.

Why is that? It doesn't reflect respect for women. In fact it's very much the opposite.

I hope you can did deep on this one.

It may have some bearing on your current situation.

[PeterV2]

Ben;
It takes will power to stop that. Take pride in that.

[Ben2010]

labug,

I apologize if that somehow offended you. It honestly was a joke. It has nothing to do with me not respecting women or anything like that. I just like to have a little fun and try to make people laugh. Im not sure how you could even take offense to that though. In that referrence it was saying how young girls like to scream with joy.

[Ben2010]

Journaling:

Getting a bit nervous about Saturday now. It is only 2 days away. She has not called to confirm anything with me yet either. I would think that she might want to do that soon. Had a talk with my C today about it. He seems pretty thrilled that it seems to be going in the right direction. Says that he has already seen some growth in me, which Im happy about.

He asked me how I felt about the situation right now. I told him that IMO best case scenario would be that we have a great date, she wants to talk about us after and maybe we go back home and have sex and she decides to stay. I told him that I wasnt sure that she should come back just yet. It might be a bit rushed for her and then it could trigger the same thing all over again. I dont think that I would tell her that. She knows herself better than anyone. If she did decide for some reason to come back this soon I would really have to be careful to not push her away and continue some of my GAL activities. I do not EXPECT anything close to the "best case scenario" though. Right now I just hope I dont do anything to backslide or make her angrier than she already is on the date.

We also talked about some of the changes that Ive been working on lately. If I look at it as a "big picture" then it feels really good that I am even attempting to do all of this. BTW day number 3 of not smoking. I feel better than ever about myself with the staying away from porn more than anything. It has driven me to try to fight addiction in general, which is why Im trying to stop smoking right now. I would throw video games in there, but Ive just become bored of those, so it isnt really "quitting". Still no ETA on when I get braces either...I dont really want to be a 33 year old man with braces, but it will be worth it I guess.

Speaking of GAL, I talked my brother into doing the scuba classes with me. Should be a lot of fun and Im pretty excited about it. Kind of expensive, but I feel like Im worth it lol.

Dont really have too much today. Ive been in a pretty good mood for most of this week. Im sure that alot of that has to do with scheduling the date though. I know Im not even partially detached so I will have to fake it. Also I have been getting alot of other girls at work hitting on me lately too. It does help build the self esteem, but Im still not interested. I have to keep my eye on the prize and right now that is ME and second prize is the W.

[rayzzz]

We'll I am thrilled for you Ben! You seem to have a good PMA going on and as long as you keep it light, and avoid being get sucked into a conversation about the R it should be the door that can get you to the fantastic land known as piecing!
Lay off the mind reading and kill that anxiety. You have no reason to think she won't confirm right? So get a nice cologne and make sure you are looking dapper for the re-engagement ....hopefully that's a good choice of words. You're dbing is paying off but keep investing...scuba diving? Ah the Baywatch GAL..Got it!

[PeterV2]

Ben;
Prepare mentally for the date. Don't talk about your feelings. Don't talk about your changes. Don't talk about your GAL. Stay mysterious. Don't wear your heart on your sleeve. Keep the conversation light during the date. Try to use humor, but keep it tasteful. Try to think of topics that interest your W. Ask her about work. Don't talk about the future. Think back to when you were first dating. What subjects did you talk about then? Try to work those topics in as long as they don't lead to R talk.
I know it's a tall order, but if you want the date to go well and be a positive experience for her you'll have to control yourself. IMHO.

[Ben2010]

Yeah I havent brought up the relationship the past 2 times that we have talked about it though. I cant avoid it I dont think. Or...maybe I can say something like "lets not talk about that tonight and just have a good time". That might be a great line to use there.

Im trying with the mind reading, it really is a big weakness for me. I overanalyze everything. I know there are others out there like me and I wish I could stop doing it, but it clouds my mind everytime. Youre right I have no reason to believe she wont confirm, just worried I guess.

Already ahead of you on the cologne. And I will give all you guys a tip on that, I have had a tremendous response to one cologne in particular. Its Mont Blanc Legend. If you have never smelled it before, you need to check it out. Well worth whatever the price is. Not really sure what dapper means, but Im assuming good lol.

And yes I will not be stopping the DBing even if my "best case scenario" happens. I want to make sure that my changes stick and that I can remain this happy with myself.

Scuba diving has always interested me. I live in the midwest though so it isnt a great place for it. But yes Im gonna give it a shot and learn something new. Might even impress some ladies out there if I need to go that route.

[Ben2010]

Thanks for the advice Pete,

Yeah I am trying to prepare myself for the date mentally. Have been trying all week. I will try to focus on her throught the whole conversation, but again, she is the one that brings up the R talk, not me.

When we were first dating...we didnt do much except have sex as this was a new thing for here lol. Not really, I honestly dont remember what we used to talk about. I know that she used to think that I was hilarious, but not so much anymore. That kinda bums me out a bit. Other people think Im funny, maybe I just need some new material.

Self control: Lol you know Im gonna be zen-like. I have accomplished it once before with her in person. The other night on the phone though, I was pretty amazing. Hopefully I can carry that in to the date with me. Thanks Pete.

[Thornton]

Yep, Pete is right. Be cool, calm, and collect. Have no expectations, just enjoy the time you spend with her.

BTW Mont Blanc Legend is my cologne, love that stuff!