Looking for inspiration

[Train]

I'm only on this side of a computer, and *I'm* feeling the anxiety when I read what you've posted today, mdu. I can't explain it, but I FEEL - through just your words - your mind racing a million miles a minute.

Slow down. Breathe. Let things simmer a while.

Picture this: you're fishing. You feel nibbles on the end of your line. You yank your rod, sure you had caught the big one. But the fish had never bitten down on the worm. He was just getting a taste - and was ABOUT to bite down - when you yanked the worm right out of his mouth.

This, IMO, is what you're doing. Your H is nibbling, and you yank the line. You start scurrying and spiraling and freaking out - and pushing - as soon as he shows you a glimmer of hope.

But back to the fishing analogy, chances are the fish is still down there, swimming, looking around for the worm that was just yanked away from him. But you're gonna have to wait even LONGER once you drop the worm this time. Why? Because the fish is on to you now. He's a little suspicious. He's going to look a little closer to make sure the worm's pattern of behavior is different this time. After all, why bite if the worm is going to be yanked away again?

Why would your H want back into the same M? With the same patterns of behavior that played a part in driving it into a hole? He's watching and waiting. Take cues from HIM.

And IMO, I feel it is going to be *necessary* for you to let your H drive this reconciliation, mdu. If YOU could drive it, it would have been done a long time ago.

He's looking for consistent actions from you, like you're looking for them from him. Your "work" is in/on YOURSELF right now: Getting your reactions under control. Getting your expectations in check.

He's nibbling, sister. You just can't yank until you have him on the line.

Fishing takes great patience.