Looking for inspiration

[mdu]

I should add, this is all very representative of the dynamic between H and I. That I have always been the driver. To sit back and wait for H to initiate some of these discussions is not only extraordinarily difficult for me, I also wonder if it's realistic to expect him to suddenly be the driver when he never has been, and I've never put out there the expectation that this needs to change. And he's never asked me to change this.

I mentioned before that I don't mind being the driver in our R. H has yet to say that he minds it, although perhaps he does. Perhaps that's what he meant when he said he felt 'pressured' when we tried to reconcile initially. But how will I ever know if I don't directly ask some of these questions?

This is definitely a toughie for me. While I get that I need to make changes, there are others that are the core of who I am. Being a driver is one of them, I am that way at home, at work. I'm a driver and I'm a problem solver, I want to get in there and get it figured out and dealt with. It certainly seems appropriate to change behaviors that are clearly Unhealthy (e.g., anger management). But I don't think I should fundamentally change ME, it would never last, if that makes sense..