Hi Sarah, The being uncomfortable in the home is normal. My W told my D's that she was leaving because "it's unhappy HERE", meaning our home. She would tell me that she was staying late at work because she was so uncomfortable at home. One of the "reasons" she gave for needing to leave and be on her own was that when she would go away for work, she didn't miss being at home. Surely that must mean that she will be happier away from home. That is what the MLC mind shows them.
My W also is very "prideful", very driven by what others think of her. When all this started she had an exercise to do for work. It asked what she gained by bringing her problems into the work place. Her first answer was she got "attention" from other people. She is always afraid that she is "invisible" to others and that no one notices her. This whole situation has made her the center of attention with her father and her new friends and she likes that.
It sounds to me like the problems you describe are the same, normal problems faced by every married couple with kids. How much time you give to the S as opposed to the kids. Losing your time together because of the time you need to commit to raising a new family. Things EVERY married couple with kids face and most get through it. I agree with you and I also thought we were "in this together" and if our WAS's had that mind set, they wouldn't have walked. No, there is more going on then whatever it was that YOU did to MAKE them act like they do. Sometimes there really is nothing that the other S did "wrong". That's not saying that there aren't things that you can start to see you could have done differently or things that in hindsight you wouldn't have done and it's important to face your own issues so you don't take them into another R or back into your M if things start to get better and you are able to work things out with your H. That's important work you need to do for yourself. I just think that sometimes there just wasn't anything you could have done differently to prevent what is happening now and it would have happened whether you were a perfect W or not.
