Booklvr, thanks for the response. Sorry you're here, but it's a comfort to have someone is a similar situation - I wish you good luck in your journey as well. I will look up your posts.

labug, I almost burst into tears with just reading the first line of your response. Yes, it's been weighing on me for what feels like an eternity. I so just want to do the right thing for everyone. It feels though that there is a right for me, and a right for everyone else sometimes. And then that the right for everyone else can't be right either because of blah, blah, blah...I just talk myself in circles. We have never been seperated - we decided it was best to wait until we were sure about divorce to even bring it up to the children in order to not undermine their sense of security. I do second guess that decision sometimes. H has certainly changed in some ways but I guess it seems to me that it isn't geniune, that he expects something in return. It seems I have to tell him every step to take. I'm tired of being the director... I do have money issue resentments. He does work, just doesn't contribute equally - he doesn't make as much as I do, but also has no motivation to change that. He has had opportunities, just never took advantage of them. We see things differently, value different things I guess.

Wonka, I tried to think of a different name - all that came to me was "agony". No positives there. smile Thank you for pointing me toward KLA tapes - I will take a look now.

So grateful for insights. Thank you.