No cat, 25 asked and I answered. Nothing more. I'm fine, better than I've been in a long time. Right now I'm concerned with how my W called our D for the first time since she left last night and is trying to bribe and manipulate her into wanting to stay with her. Of course it took 3 days before she bothered to call. I'm more concerned with making enough on my own to send my D to private school since her mother (who makes a lot more than me) refuses to help pay. Wondering how much of my limited funds I'm going to need to replace all the stuff my W seems to think belongs to her from soap dispensers to mesuring cups. How to afford health insurence. Buy food, new shoes, new glasses all stuff I didn't buy before my W left because money was tight while she spent like a drunken sailor.
My biggest 180 is this, I don't care if I ever see my W again. She has through her insanity destroyed everything I worked for for 20 years. She refused to make any effort in her marriage and now wants to blame me for every ill that has ever befallen her so why would I want her back in my life? If not for the kids I probably would have given up long ago. I'm not sure about that but it feels that way now. I don't wish her to fail or have a bad life, be unhappy or anything like that. But right now I really don't think I want her in my life or my D's lives. She is not a very good mother, at least since the MLC started and never bothered to do things with the kids but now insists that she must have 50% custody knowing that she won't be around much. Why? I really believe it's because she feels guilty about what she has done. She doesn't want to be seen as a bad mother. I know it isn't because she has D's best interests at heart because she doesn't care about anyone but herself and her father.
Her not being here and moving forward like she has cleared my head a lot. I'm now at a point where I should have been a long time ago. If this is what she wants that's what she will get. I can't see how she will ever come out of this. Her father, her new mentor for how to live her life, never came out of his MLC and I doubt she ever will either. If it makes her "happy" to blame me for her own actions and bad feelings so be it. I know the truth and the truth is she had in me someone who really had her best interests at heart. Who tried to be a good husband and friend. Who put her wants and needs ahead of my own for most of our marriage. If she can't see that or if that wasnt good enough for her than let her go and see if she can find someone better. Her values no longer are close to mine. What's important to me is meaningless to her. She made the ultimate 180 the day she decided I and her marriage was the cause of her being unhappy. Let her see just how happy being alone really is.
This is how I see things. I'm sure she see's things differently. But with her that's bound to change soon as she can't seem to have a single coherent thought that lasts more than a week. I need to get off the crazy band wagon and at least while she's here with me, give my D some stibility in her life as my W's actions have turned her world upside down.
