Possilble WAW

[GoatGal]

Dawgy: " I messed up a lot this morning"

Yes, Dawgy, you DID mess up.

"Nothing huge i don't think but i tried to cuddle early this morning , and she wasnt very receptive . She was cold and callous this morning."

Of COURSE she wasn't receptive!!!!!
Don't do this stuff.
Get up,, get out of bed... if you want to do something nice with no expectations, leave a cup of coffee or juice and some toast by her side of the bed. Then say nothing.
She can really only say "thanks" to that, or say nothing.
The point is, the cuddling was about what YOU wanted.

Sorry to be blunt, but right now what YOU want is low on her list of priorities. All you probably did was piss her off.

You've got to remember, she's going through something and right now you CAN NOT treat her like the woman you knew in the relationship you had.



"She was drinking abit last nite and i find when she drinks the night before seems more distant the next morning especially ".

Maybe so. Even better reason to leave her alone and STFU

"I felt so vulnerable this morning i hugged her and told her i loved her . She just mumbled back something ".

What does DB say about saying "I Love You"???? Don't say it! It just makes them feel guilty, uncomfortable, all the things they already feel about about you.
Your goal is to have her feel good and comfortable around you.

This approach is not working and will not work for you right now.


"She seemed really disgusted with me this morn ".

I'll be she was. She's told you how she feels and you are being clingy and needy. Not sexy in a man, and definitely not an attraction to a woman who thinks she wants out of the R.


"If things wernt going well in her affair would she blame me and be meaner and more distant to me .That may explain why shes like that every few days ".


This is total mind-reading. You have no idea how things are going in her A or how she would treat you based on that. She may be like "that" every few days because of something you know nothing about.

"Then days in betweeen she s much nicer and like her old self . The drinking could be depressing her also the next day I suppose "

Again, you really just don't know. It's a waste of time to think this way and it will send you off in the wrong direction with your DBing techniques.

"Shes got us in a real pickle . She drinks to feel good at night and sleep but then the next day she's really down "

Well, maybe so. What difference does it make as far as what YOU need to do?
It's not your job to figure out her ups and downs, and what role drinking plays. She's a big girl, let her figure out if this is working for her.


"I told her a while back that she thinks she's unhappy now , just imagine how unhappy she would be if she left and caused so much damage."

This is guilt-tripping her and is counter to DBing. Who wants to be around someone who makes them feel guilty? (Especially because on some level, she's got to know she's not treating you right.)

" I havent seen any evidence of her leaving yet and theres only a few days left in the month "

Keep this up and I bet you will soon. Sorry Dawgy, but it's true.

"I'm hurting this morning"

I don't want to say "good", but let that pain be a reminder to you to do better next time and do not keep doing any of this stuff!

Really, this morning was a trifecta of DBing "What NOT To Dos", Dawgy.

You're coming off needy and weak.
You need to project, and embrace, a stronger persona.

If you must show your love for her, don't do it with words, don't do it because it meets YOUR needs.

Show your love in ways that won't drive her away or piss her off. Ways which are altruistic, require no reciprocation, or thanks.
But keep it real---and small.
You shouldn't be out there detailing her car, for example. AND NOTHING ROMANTIC!!! No cards, candles....gifts in general.

The coffee thing is a good one. I'd like a good hot cup of joe from just about anybody in the morning and it would make ME think: '"Gee, that was sweet".

2X4 Time! No more of this ^^^^ OK?


Off to feed the goats...

---GG