I would want a statement like that to come with something to back it up. He has had decades of marriage and if he listens to her, he KNOWS that she has complained about things before. This did not come out of nowhere. Have you read his entire thread?
Just so I knew she was sincere and not throwing cliche's at me. You want to test your wife's sincerity when she tells you what she needs? Really?
(I've been separating what were genuine feelings from her and what were movie lines to rewrite history in my situation. Because I've had a confusing mix of both).
You both push too much and then seize on your w's word changes like a lawyer cross examining someone, to catch them in small variations and then call them "lies" or "confused signals".
Even if or when they are hiding something, figure out if you are playing a role in that...over reacting to things that can incentive someone to deceive.
It does not make it right but for instance, I know when my brother in law flipped his lid when my sister dented the car, the next time she got rear ended, she hid it from her h.
So, who was "more wrong" In ^^that? DOES IT MATTER -- or should her h first learn to keep a cool head?
By nature my sister is very honest but after witnessing his idiotic outburst, I could see why an upset woman with a dented car would find her husband's anger the LAST thing she felt like facing..
. And trying to "catch" a wife in a mistake makes this a competition, or punitive game, not a marriage. What is the GOAL of that? It is feeling "right"?
Why not make the goal trying to understand what your wives are telling you? Think of it as a mission...gathering intelligence for the task... Listen and hear what your spouse is flat out telling you.
My God, a "cry for help" is NOT to be challenged. Proof is not to be demanded of her for that remark. I think It's heartbreaking.
No woman leaves a decades old marriage and children, for a silly selfish reason alone. Something important to her was missing...and You just finished telling Ox to find out why she's left and said there must be a reason-- so when he says what she says, you want to doubt her words? WHY?
Figure our your goal and get on and stay on the path to the goal. Stop letting ego and emotions knock you off the path.
I think that may help as from what you've decribed, she experienced a severe drop in respect for you.
Without that, genuine love will be difficult to re-establish.
Oxford, I repeated the Letter to you and red hawk on his thread. though I hate doing that (repeating a long post) I notice neither of you took in the words of a WAW...
you should.
I read it but fairly quickly. I got the jist of it , but not the depth if you know what I mean.
Last night my wife felt like crap. She has a bad cold, but whenever she is stressed it goes right to a migraine. That's how I kept knowing something was up or OM was going to be in the USA.
Now it's that I get this sneaking suspicion that she's looking for confirmation that if she drops OM completely that who she sees I am is true.
I have to show that the Pain of leaving me is worse then the pain of leaving OM.
I am getting more positive signs, more natural I love yours not panned.
Actually she is " violating" her own personal boundaries she set up more and more...I am talking less acting like a female housemate and more like a wife in terms of getting dressed, pecking me on the lips instead of cheek. Etc etc...
I am going to read the letter several times to get a better understanding of the entire " concept" it is trying to convey.
Oh as a side note, this morning when she did slip into OM territory I told her I did not want to hear it, it was disrespectful to us and our marriage for me to even hear the problems you are having with OM.
