She says she's conflicted

[25yearsmlc]

I would want a statement like that to come with something to back it up.

He has had decades of marriage and if he listens to her, he KNOWS that she has complained about things before. This did not come out of nowhere. Have you read his entire thread?

Just so I knew she was sincere and not throwing cliche's at me.

You want to test your wife's sincerity when she tells you what she needs? Really?


(I've been separating what were genuine feelings from her and what were movie lines to rewrite history in my situation. Because I've had a confusing mix of both).


You both push too much and then seize on your w's word changes like a lawyer cross examining someone, to catch them in small variations and then call them "lies" or "confused signals".

Even if or when they are hiding something, figure out if you are playing a role in that...over reacting to things that can incentive someone to deceive.

It does not make it right but for instance, I know when my brother in law flipped his lid when my sister dented the car, the next time she got rear ended, she hid it from her h.

So, who was "more wrong" In ^^that? DOES IT MATTER -- or should her h first learn to keep a cool head?

By nature my sister is very honest but after witnessing his idiotic outburst, I could see why an upset woman with a dented car would find her husband's anger the LAST thing she felt like facing..

. And trying to "catch" a wife in a mistake makes this a competition, or punitive game, not a marriage. What is the GOAL of that? It is feeling "right"?


Why not make the goal trying to understand what your wives are telling you? Think of it as a mission...gathering intelligence for the task...
Listen and hear what your spouse is flat out telling you.

My God, a "cry for help" is NOT to be challenged. Proof is not to be demanded of her for that remark. I think It's heartbreaking.


No woman leaves a decades old marriage and children, for a silly selfish reason alone. Something important to her was missing...and You just finished telling Ox to find out why she's left and said there must be a reason-- so when he says what she says, you want to doubt her words? WHY?

Figure our your goal and get on and stay on the path to the goal. Stop letting ego and emotions knock you off the path.

I think that may help as from what you've decribed, she experienced a severe drop in respect for you.

Without that, genuine love will be difficult to re-establish.

Oxford, I repeated the Letter to you and red hawk on his thread. though I hate doing that (repeating a long post) I notice neither of you took in the words of a WAW...

you should.