"Man The F*** Up" The Ultimate 180

[25yearsmlc]

And so, here is the letter which I think was sent to a man here named "Denver" or Denver 2010". And if I recall right, Denver did some deep digging and really did change. He was baffled by her refusal to hop on home..originally, before he dug deep, he was just furious that she'd left at all, but like I said, he did some deep digging in himself, and some brave hard work---and last I read, they were in piecing towards a reconciliation...

also remember that you MUST think of things from your wife's perspective b/c for now, that's all that matters to HER...

while your 180s, GAL and detaching are what you need to focus on,

-- in order to do your own personal growth work...to becoming men, only fools would leave...

So see if this helps guide you in your quests.

FROM A WAW, TO "DENVER", A LBS HUSBAND WHO HAS CHANGED, AND WONDERS WHY HIS OWN WAW HAS NOT RETURNED HOME YET,

OR HOW SHE CAN BE AT ALL INTERESTED IN OM…

"When I read your interactions with your wife, I could so easily identify with your wife's feelings/words/sentiments. I have been in her position in my M. I was the ignored, the devalued, the one who was treated as less than.

One of the things that I have tried my hardest not to do, is not to engage with another man. Not just because of my marriage vows, but because I knew that when I truly engaged in any type of R with another man, it would make it that much harder to ever reconcile with my H. Because being treated differently (better) than the way he treated me would lessen h so much in my eyes. So, I can see where your W is coming from.

When you've been mistreated to the point where you actually let go of your R enough to let another person into your heart or bed or whatever, it takes a boatload of work to get back on a page where you're recommitted to being with your S - and those uncertainties that she's expressed to you, I don't know if you truly, truly fathom how deep they run.

Six months of getting back on a page where you treat her the way that any wife should be treated does not even scratch the surface of the years, the intrinsic devaluing that occurs when you're systematically mistreated for such a stretch of time.

And I promise you that while you have recommitted and worked for 6 months, your W has simply been trying to get to a point where she can even buy into the changes, where she can even think that you might have changed and not scoff at the thought.

Because when you build up hope again and again and again in your H, and he crushes it again and again and again, you develop a thick skin, a protective doubt, a conditioned response to even the slightest, grainiest seed of hope.

You are taught that when you hope, you will be disappointed. When you try, you will fail. You are taught that you will never be what he wants and it is hard to shake what you have come to believe is reality.

And for the changes that you've made to have come only when she walked away and OM became competition, I can definitely see how she can doubly doubt that you truly want to be in a M with her, and not just to "win". (Check your ego).

Even today you say that you are not sure that you don't just want to win.

Step 1 - figure that sh!t out ASAP. Because if you actually do manage to convince her that you really do want her and really have recommitted to her, and you actually just want to win, you'll put her through hell."