It's all very confusing, isn't it? I never, ever thought my H would have an affair. I also never, ever thought that I would stay with someone who did have an affair. But my H did (or is having one) and here I am. Having kids, having history with one another...it all becomes terribly, terribly complex.
And, at least in my case, I do actually love this man. I'm angry and hurt and sad....but I love him. I'm sitting back watching this craziness unfold, knowing that it's making him unhappy (he's even said so...he tries to explain that this is not fun and that it makes him feel badly, but she also makes him feel great about himself.) When I read articles about men in MLC and how the younger chippy makes him feel alive and immortal and sexy and strong, I think, "Yep - that's my H. That's exactly what this woman is doing to him. I can see that would be addictive and feel great. I wish he didn't need it outside of our relationship, and I wish he had given this woman boundaries long before she got close enough to show him that she would make him feel that way...but wishing doesn't do a darned thing about where we actually are..."
Phew..,it's all a mess. I'm sorry that you're in it, too.
