prayers please

[25yearsmlc]

"no big deal"? Okay, so you're a Super mom, and or some sort of Frontierswoman.

I still say, try to be gentle with yourself.

You don't really NEED to do things like take a newborn to, well, actually, to anywhere at this point.

I'm also suggesting that you not create expectations of yourself (or fantasize about things based on hope alone),

b/c I think you're setting yourself up for a fall. And I relate to that.

Just so you know, when I was in law school, it was hard, AND in my last year, I began working on Capitol Hill. Then I learned we were expecting our first child,
(5+ years before we "planned".)

I worked as hard as I could before the baby because I "heard they take up energy"...

I had to take a subway really far into the city and even in the winter, and walk some icy streets. Then I began the bar review course at night, and of course, I* was still in law school with a full schedule, which most married people did NOT do. I was also job hunting. That got a tad harder when I began to show...

My "plan" was to finish law school in May,
have the baby in June,
take the bar exam in July and
start my new job in August.

My h was so proud of me, he told everyone the "Schedule"...and it sounded great to ME too...

I was a fool. Why did I set myself up that way?

By April I was so exhausted that I'd fall asleep by 8pm, and I could NOT study for all my classes. So I failed an exam and could not graduate on time (too few credits).

I was so floored, embarrassed and so very sad! But I was also resilient and

my favorite law professor said the most helpful things:

"So You'll finish law school in December (6 months less of being a lawyer) and then do the rest, so that means the first 9 months of your baby's life, you will be at home with your new baby.

What a blessing that was, forcing me to SLOW DOWN.

But I was a slow learner! I repeated this type of insane schedule for my 2nd pregnancy...working full time in the military as a JAG Corps officer, (oops, there's a war! Let's turn our lives upside down...)

and my h was in medical school, with unrelenting hours, and so I kept going full time with a trial schedule and a baby at home and one on the way...

I ruptured a disc in my lower back, pregnant, so no surgery was authorized for me until after the baby and it hurt a lot...it also sidelined me except at work b/c of course, I KEPT WORKING...so then I got pneumonia. Then I went into premature labor and was hospitalized for the pneumonia and the premature labor was medically delayed... and my OB/GYN said the most insightful thing...

"not sure why you think you have to have it all, at the same time, but this is your body's way of telling you to STOP! Go take care of your body, & baby, or you may literally kill yourself" --

We do this trying to live up to some belief, like that commercial where the great looking woman is sexy & brilliant and earns a big salary, walking in her pretty home with her brief case --she's wearing heels and perfect make up, with a TIGHT but somehow professional looking suit, with long wavy hair)

(Insert music from 1980s commercial)

"she's cooking up the bacon, frying it up in the pan,

never letting HIM forget he's a MAN... because she's a woman, W-O-M-A-N!!!"

I tried to play Superwoman. It worked for some years, but gosh I was tired. And frankly, I found it very unrewarding...at times downright unhealthy.

Sometimes I think we women (and society??) overcompensated for women being held back in previous generations, like my mom's.

In your case Twinmom, all I can think is that your h demands so much attention from a woman (and sadly, maybe, from any woman...)

that the more you take on by yourself, the less likely you'll have time to focus JUST on him, 100%.

NO I AM NOT blaming you for ANY of his choices...because he's selfish and deceitful and btw, this is a pattern for him...and while

WE all "get" that -- babies need more attention than grown men... I fear that

your h does not.


PLEASE Delegate -and Be so very kind and gentle ---- to YOU.

You and your babies deserve that.