"The Show Must Go On"

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks KML. I will keep that in mind.

I picked up the dryer and was scared sh*tless all the way home. The guy who loaded it said if I hit the brakes too hard my back window would smash. Talk about a long drive home. My neighbor helped me bring it in and turns out the outlet prong didn't fit the wall plug. Nice. So when I pick up tie washer I will need to get a new cord. Then I realized I need a pipe to vent the dryer out. I also need a nut wrench to remove the cord from the dryer. Bah!!! So frustrating!

Then S couldn't find his phone this morning so I told him I would find it. I called H to see if he was home and they were so I decided to run it over to the house since I needed to go to the hardware store by the house. Of course, OW was there. Supper was cooking on the stove and there was a huge pile of mulch in the driveway. Flowers were in pots on either side of the entryway and OW's yappy little dog was barking away. My kids looked shell-shocked. D was outside on the swing all by herself. She looked really sad.

I don't know why, but this rage just boiled to the top. I held it in but had to leave right away. I was disappointed in myself. I was doing so well. I didn't expect such a setback.

My friend said I am just overwhelmed with my day and the fact that I am doing stuff by myself and I CAN do stuff for myself and then knowing J is "taking care" of OW. I guess it all bubbled to the top and popped.

I don't want the house and I don't want J but I'm fighting this rage that I need justice. It seems J got everything he wanted all wrapped up with a pretty bow. I feel he needs to pay for what he did. I can't do that. And it's not dropping the rope. But I need to acknowledge that is how I feel. The only way to deal with the pain is to go through it, not around it.

I wish healing wasn't such hard work.

WH