My H's MLC

[Ssarah]

Cat04 I absolutely agree and see that some of H's complains are valid. As I mentioned in my initial post, when he sat me down the day of BD and told me how he felt, I never dismissed him or said he was wrong. Although there has been exaggeration on some points (recently telling me that we have been unhappy since our wedding night), I validate and apologize for my parts. Ever since we've had kids we've slowly stopped being each other's priority and in turn have neglected our relationship. I genuinely didn't realize how much he needed from me and I am totally seeing that now. And that is his main complaint with me. That I wasn't attentive enough, affectionate enough. He said he felt neglected. I was so consumed with the little ones I didn't think of him. My thing was that I thought we were in it together. We had 2 under 2. I see now that we were neglecting our needs but I didn't see it at the time. I thought we were in it together, raising kids while having demanding careers is stressful and to me that's life. Recently before BD we were saying how it will only get easier now as the kids got older. We just went away without the kids 2 weeks before BD and I thought (despite him being distant) we were slowly getting our time back.

I've only been in this for 2 months and I've already seen and learned so much about myself. I've realized things that I don't like about myself, how I react under stress, how I'm a perfectionist, how I drown before I ask for help. These are all things that I wish I learned about myself by other means but I'm glad I see them now. I've been a single parent for weeks now and I'm better handling the stress of 2 little ones better than before BD. I've now learned to let things roll off my back, I don't have to freak out, feel pressure or control every little thing. I realize now that I brought a lot of that on myself by having negative thought. I'm sure they'll be so much more that I'll realize as I go

As for unconditional love, if this isn't it then I don't know what is. Although when i first found out I wanted to destroy the OW. I no longer have those feelings. My mind does wander but to me I see her as a side effect to what he's going through. I have told him in the last few weeks that I genuinely do want him just to be happy. That is why I'm not guilting him into staying, begging or trying to confine him. I've told him to go out and figure out life for himself, because I see how empty and lost he is. He is not the person I know and married. I don't want him going on like this for the rest of his life.. I do genuinely want him to be happy.