Sorry you are here but it is the best worst place to be.
To start...
MLC is something that only you can decide. Since you are posting in the MLC forum, i'm gonna go with it.
While i can agree with Matt that you didnt CAUSE this, that is where the agreement stops.
You didnt cause this however SOME of your H's complaints are probably legitimate. It is up to you to look at those things and decide which things you need or want to change.
Those changes must be for you, in order for you to become a better person, and not solely for saving your M. A MLCer can smell insincere changes a mile away.
As far as doing anything about the affair, what can you really do? You arent going to force him to stop it, you arent going to shame or embarrass the OW or make her stop it.
The only thing you can really do is decide how you want to act while your H Is in an active affair. Do you think its a good idea to have sex with him right now? Do you think you can live in the same house as peacefully as possible while its going on?
How you act now will reflect back on you later. It may not be tomorrow or next week or even next year but eventually it will be the foundation on which a new relationship between the two of you will be built.
And the fear you have right now about him not waking up is about the outcome of your marriage. Hopefully, eventually, that fear will change. You will hope he wakes up so that he can find peace and happiness regardless of the outcome of your marriage. That is what true unconditional love looks like.
Keep posting, reading, and learning. DB is a wonderful tool and this really is an amazing place.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
