Advice Needed- setting boundaries

[Sam3]

So I blew my DB last night. I looked at his bank account & saw he bought a new cell phone. He also set up a new email account. Obviously so he can show me that things are over with OW. I was so mad. The lengths that he is going to, to be able to be in communication with this person is unreal.
And as usual he can't commit to what day he will be home. I was trying to make plans for myself. Because of my situation being completely financially dependent on him, I feel like I need to know what's going on with him. I need to protect my kids. I have spoken to several attorneys over the phone so I know what needs to happen. But Im scared to pull the trigger on the filing.

So I called him & told him he would need to sign the family parenting plan papers & we need to get them notorized. I told him the kids need consistency. I also said a few other things about how we didnt matter to him anymore. He said I was going to regret this one day. I did not tell him I knew about other phone.

Below are our text exchanges after the phone call,

H: You pissed me off! You keep thinking my
Family up there is not important. Your wrong!!! Im so mad.

M:
I know that you care about the kids. But your decisions are breaking up our family.
For the rest of their lives these kids will be from a broken home.

I want you to commit to what days you will be here for them. Like thurs nights - Sunday night. Friday nights when you have meeting.
If we can agree that you want to be here every weekend that's fine. But I want to do things with them on the weekends too. Like church on sundays. Birthday parties, etc. Or if you want every other weekend. And we can split holidays.

I'm not trying to take them away from you. I want them to have a great relationship with you. They need you to be a big part of their lives. There's nothing I could have wanted more for them to come from a stable home.
So for now, The more stability we can provide the better they will be.

We need to agree to something.

H: Didn't really sleep much last night knowing that I need to sign papers that are going to change my kids life. That's ok. I just know, what you are saying about me having a double life is so untrue. I can't go on in life either -- you thinking I have all this extra fun, friends, and all above. Whatever you think I'm doing has not change my life in (our town) internally! Just so you know, I am going on my second week of spiritually connecting my concerns of my life with god. I also have been working really hard on flushing my brain to a clear standard. In doing this, I have realized that I still love you and will remain loving you no matter what. My feelings are hurt too. So all in all, if you are ready to explain to the kids what's going to happen, I'm ready if you are..... It's not what I want. From here on out -- I'm not doing or asking you for anything. This is it.

M:
First I want to apologize for arguing with you last night. I'm working very hard on doing & saying the right thing.

I do not want to hurt you. I am not trying to control you. I'm sorry you feel the way you do. Please understand, This is so we can have a plan for our kids. So they can know when you will be home & when you will be calling them.

I am very glad you are trying to connect to God. And I hope you will continue to reach out to godly men.

All I am saying is I need open and honest communication from you.
Right now I am hurting, I do not trust what you tell me and I cannot live in a world of lies.

I am doing what I believe is best for our children and I am not trying to hurt you. This is going to be hard for both of us and is going to cost both of us more than we want.

We don't need to tell our kids anything more than they can understand right now, "daddy has to work more, etc" I want this transition to be smooth for them.
We can do this as a trial for now & see how it's working for all of us.

Please let me know when
you will be home.

H:Just thinking about what you are saying. The fact of the lies stuff. This isn't all my doings. I recall 2 major issues I have put up with for a long time and a short time. I can say that I have been commited to my marriage everyday until recently. Because I'm not happy I am a liar? Again, for the hundredth time!!!! I'm not in a relationship with anybody!!!! I'm not going to discuss anymore. We are only to talk about our children. I'm done.

Up until this point, I have been very nice & pleasant. He has been for most part. But is always unavailable during the week. I feel like he's cake eating & living a double life mon-fri. Our weekend was fine, we actually went to lunch as a family. When I know he lied to me about ending things & then bought another cell phone on Monday. I feel like a 180 for me is to take control of something. I'm a pretty passive person. My husband is a total controlling narcissistic personality. And a really great liar.

We have a 5 yo, 4 yo, & 3 month old baby.

I had been trying to be dark. But accepted some invitations to spend time as a family.

Did I totally screw up? What do I do now?