Hi 25 and T2, Just recall that post was made the night my W left for good. Was feeling a bit .....melancholy? The point is I don't point any of these things out to my W. I leave her alone in her own head and haven't said a word since she left (except when she texted me to re-release her phone number as the 14 days expired before she went to get her own account). I never bring up R issues, I leave that to her.
Our marriage was very good until her grandfather died and her father came to her and told her that he wanted to make up for all the bad he had ever done and be a good father. Only he couldn't accept her life as she was 'wasting" it on being a wife and mother. HE made her choose between her M and family or HIM, not me. Just a few months later she was so depressed she couldn't get out of bed. That lasted for 3 years. The kicker came when he was diagnosed with cancer and my W felt like she was running out of time for her to have a chance to make up with him, have him in her life. That began his wanting her to go away with him and his new W, just her, not me or her kids, for a couple months at a time! He would tell her what's wrong with that. I can take care of the kids. Only a "bad" husband wouldn't want her to go! He knew exactly what he was doing and would voice how she was meant to do more than be a wife and what a waste her life was. Add in some MLC and this is what you get.
180's? I couldn't do more as my life is totally changed. I need to make my life work and I have been doing nothing if not changing everything. I go out with new groups of people and am having fun. On Saturday I have a night tubing event planned, the same day my W wants to come over and "clean out the cabinets" so she can take what she wants. Friday night I have another night planned. Now that she is gone and I feel able to talk to other people about what is happening, I have gotten in touch with old friends and have received offers to help if I can find a way to get my D14 into private school. I went out with my D and her friends and their parents last Saturday. Had a blast and it's something my W would NEVER do.
I knew my W was 'damaged" by her childhood before I married her. She has trust issues and acted out at times from the start. She had to test me. See if I would just up and go if things weren't perfect. I was good for her. My family was good for her as she saw people who have been together for years and always worked out their problems, never "ran". When she went into MLC she just forced my family out of her life, always having a reason they couldn't visit. Finding flaws or a way to feel "slighted" by them. She has told me that she felt I didn't think she was "enough" for me and for the life of me can't understand where that came from.
For 25 years I watched as her father would ignore her or tell her how "disappointed" he was in her because she didn't do what HE wanted her to. Now that she is doing what HE thinks she should he calls and texts her several times a day. She now has what she always wanted...her dad in her life, backing her choices (as long as they are the ones HE thinks she should be making). Now she gets what she said she wants. I will let her be. Let her experience what being on her own, in control of every part of her life means. In the meantime I will move ahead in my life.
I'm doing well. The tension at home is so much lower. I'm still a bit worried about what my W will want in the D settlement. How she will react if my D14 says she wants to live with me most of the time. How she will react when I don't try and 'force' my D to do what SHE wants her to. I am coming up with what I expect in the settlement and how I will react if my W disagrees. How I can try and set things up in a way that is best for my D14, not me or her mom. All things that must be worked out and soon, none of which have any thoughts of my W doing anything but what she is now. She is gone and that's the reality of it. All I can do now is live MY life the way I see fit.
Thanks 25 and T2, things are going to work out. Maybe not the way I had hoped but they will.
