You are definitely in the the right place on this forum. Yes, it may be possible to save your marriage. I cannot say for sure but one thing you can do which will help ease your mind is to go read the success stories. Some start off in much worse shape than you are in right now yet they managed to survive. Read other people's stories and gain wisdom from what they have done right, and learn to avoid what they have done wrong. Your husband is hurt and confused. Believe none of what he says, and only half of what he does. He will not be thinking like a rational person. So do not engage him with reason. Listen to him when he talks and validate what he says. Even if he is wrong. Be happy and upbeat. Think back to when you two fell in love. Try to be that person again.
It helps to think of it as your marriage as you knew it is now over...done...gone forever. What you are trying to do now is build a new relationship with your husband. You dont want the old relationship back, because that one was broken even when you thought it wasnt. Learn from what your part in the breakdown was, and work on it. Work on making yourself a better person. Become the wife only a fool would leave.
I know this sounds like it does not address the issue at hand. What you want is an answer or a solution to get your husband back asap. Sadly it does not work that way. Everything you have done up to this point has only pushed him farther away. That is why DB is so counter intuitive. It is basically the opposite of what you FEEL like you should do. But it works. Even if your marriage is not salvaged, at the end of the day you are a better person. And your leave with your self esteem intact.
This will be extremely hard, we all know this. Each day will get slightly better as you apply the principles of DB. The more you learn to detach, the easier it will be for your to get through your day. A month ago I was on the edge of a real breakdown. I had lost my mind and was in the very spot you are right now emotionally. Today I have a calm about me and have no problem getting through my days. And I am making progress at the same time. Read the books, and for now, read Sandi2s 37 rules. They really are the best road towards saving your marriage.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
