I looked because the not knowing makes me crazy sometimes, Mach. I feel hopeful about things, that we can repair our relationship. But on the other hand, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's like I'm anticipating being blind-sided again. I'm still attached.
What I was looking for was a sign, a signal, a spark of encouragement. She's a huge FB junkie and I wanted to get a feel for what she is thinking. We've texted 3x in 2 months. All of it was superficial, poker face texting.
I guess I have a hard time being between all or nothing. Either tell me you still see a future with me or completely break my heart so I can completely cut you out of my life.
I don't have a crystal ball, I can't forsee the future. But I also don't want to be strung along, it hurts too much.
I know being strung along is MY choice. That I'm allowing her the power to do that to me. I just struggle with taking back my power. Sometimes I feel confident and other times, I feel completly abandoned by her. I stuck by her through so much sh!t. I know she doesnt owe me anything, because I chose to stick by her. It hurts like hell, none-the-less.
Thanks for the 2x4 Mach. I can't wait to feel happiness again.
