Ok I will not suspect an affair and just enjoy the company and just gal.. ive been reading the book so close to finishing.. on the part where it says parting words..
Wow, it's hard to read this and know that you keep skipping over parts til you find "the secret" to fix the situation
instead of working on becoming a man only a fool would leave
I realize you do not know HOW to become a man only a fool would leave, which is sad and telling.
But the thing is, you have also been told, repeatedly in the books AND HERE
that you must detach (so you don't obsess and keep making things worse) AND for your own protection - so your life doesn't sukk so much being consumed by all this...
and you MUST Get A Life...we say this b/c it works!
But yes, it means getting OUT of the house and DOING something new/different.
I know you are in pain and that you hurt. I know this is not easy for you, but what we are telling you is not complicated.
Stop wondering about HER, or a possible affair (I am rolling my eyes at your newest way to avoid doing any work on yourself)...
and just work on You...like for at least 90 days and THEN see how it goes.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Wow, it's hard to read this and know that you keep skipping over parts til you find "the secret" to fix the situation
instead of working on becoming a man only a fool would leave
I realize you do not know HOW to become a man only a fool would leave, which is sad and telling.
But the thing is, you have also been told, repeatedly in the books AND HERE
that you must detach (so you don't obsess and keep making things worse) AND for your own protection - so your life doesn't sukk so much being consumed by all this...
and you MUST Get A Life...we say this b/c it works!
But yes, it means getting OUT of the house and DOING something new/different.
I know you are in pain and that you hurt. I know this is not easy for you, but what we are telling you is not complicated.
Stop wondering about HER, or a possible affair (I am rolling my eyes at your newest way to avoid doing any work on yourself)...
and just work on You...like for at least 90 days and THEN see how it goes.
the pain so so powerful I feel like overdosing so end my suffering I made plans to marry once and have a life together and shes selfishly throwing it away.. it hurts so bad because I love her so much and she loves me too but she doesnt wna jus say those magical words to give me one last chance.. god I hate my life!!!!
1 thing ive learnt is valdiation and shutting up while they talk about certain things.. I also try my best to refrain from using words such as could, can and try to implement the words would and will.
Please if you really feel the way you say above PLEASE go and seek Counseling or Medical Treatment!!
If those are words of frustration then stop feeling sorry for yourself.
We all made plans to M once, for a number of reasons it doesn't always work that way.
Your W has told you in different ways that right now she is not in love with you.
You need to listen to her when she says things it is one of the first ways to begin the process.
There is no quick fix!!
I was the same way as you when my sitch started but I made a decision that I was going to stand for my M and was going to do everything possible to make it happen.
I am a year in to DB, I can't say it has gotten any easier but I have done a lot of reflection and looking in the mirror. Even if my M can't be saved I always knew I would survive without my W if she decided to leave. It looks like that is happening still. I just needed to reassure myself.
I hold out hope and always will until I CHOOSE not too. I have the power to do that because I CONTROL my feelings nobody else, not my family, friends or especially my WAW!!
I, by no means am a veteran or do I claim to give the best advice but by doing some of the things that have been relayed to me from people on this site. It has given me my best chance at R. It may take years if it happens at all but at least I know I am giving it my best shot.
I seek all the opinions and help I can get from anybody on here that is kind enough to take time to catch up with my thread.
Go back and read my thread or others there are plenty of success stories to lean on it is what I did and it helped ME immensely.
We all want to see yours and everybody elses sitch turn out for the best. Whatever the "best" is.
You will get hit with 2 x 4's when needed, You can choose to listen or not.
Also. read Sandi's rules they do help.
Me 47/W 34 T 16 M 13 No kids BD 6/2013 W asked that I move out 6/2013 I moved back and W is upset with this 12/2013 separate beds not much talking Served D Complaint 5/2014 W moved out 9/27/2014
1Wish, you're two and a half threads in and you still refuse to do anything about your situation. You are weak and insecure. The funny thing is, you have so much potential, so much life ahead of you and yet you keep playing the victim card. Your wife isn't throwing your marriage away, you are! As I said in a previous post, you may as well find someone for your wife to date because you are pushing her out the door... and she still play fights with you in bed. FFS, grow a set, take control of your life and start listening and you might get somewhere.
When you start to take control of your mind and your life, your life WILL IMPROVE for the better.
Which book are you on and how far through it are you?
Also, you need to get yourself into counselling pronto.
Me: 31, W: 29 T: 4 M: 2 Kids: 3 (SS: 7, SD: 4, D: 3) Separated, still living together: Nov 2013 Separate bedrooms: Feb 2014 W working away; kids with me: Nov 2014
Right on the last pages of the db book it says that if your changes arent working then the other spouse has made up their mind and if they have theres not much you can do..
Funny thing is my wife told me she wants a divorce 2-3months ago and said theres nothing I can do :s
