K, I hear on on the "Aspie" thing. I am going to therapy anyway so I'll ask my doctor-----------I think, like you, I might have it but worked deliberately to adjust to it and be social (I'm the most "popular" guy most of my friends know, for what it's worth). I took an online AS test and I was under, but that may be just because I've changed like you have to be more social and stuff.
But yes, I go back to her because she IS my wife--------she's the other part of this relationship, right? I don't get it. Like, I think the real problem IS with her, such as her inability to realize different people ARE different and have different needs, right?
But I can't tell her that. At the same time, I don't think it would make any sense to expect her to realize that on her own.
You asked why I'm in therapy-------I started therapy a long time ago when I dropped out of med school and didn't know what I wanted to do. Therapy helped. I think it's fascinating. I didn't go back because I'm depressed or feel crazy; I went back honestly to try to find better ways to improve myself, namely how I deal with stress and how to handle it better.
My motto on therapy has always been that some people need it, most people don't, but everyone can benefit from it.
I dunno. It sounds like I'm a jerk if I say I'm in good mental health. My wife isn't "sick," a sick person can't party like she does, know what I mean? I think it's simply she doesn't know what I need and I can't tell her because she doesn't want to do any work---she's spontaneous by nature.
Oops, there I go talking about her. I dunno. I can't talk about her it sounds like? But if I talk about me it all sounds too perfect and I'm the jerk complaining about my imperfect wife? I don't get it. I hear Michele saying it probably feels better to have these feelings recognized by Michele of countless others, and it does, but everything I read and have been told, while they might say different things on exactly what to do, say that something has to be done to fix any situation. My wife won't do anything on her own, and if I ask her about it she's instantly defensive and feels "pressured." So just talking about my feelings, it sounds nice and it SHOULD work, only it has the opposite effect. So I don't talk about them. I keep it in and I stay the nice husband--------isn't that part of the problem? You have to act nice because who would want to be nice to a mean person, but if I don't act any differently she doesn't know that this still bothers me? So the answer is to talk about it...except that she takes it so personally.
Not just with me (I get the argument that I'm an insensitive spoiled young creep because I want to make love with my wife once a month), but with anyone, with any situation. For example, I haven't been able to visit my grandmother 5 hours away. My wife loves her, no problem, but a whole weekend for something I want to do, she can't get excited about that and feels "pressured" to do something she wouldn't want to do. So I don't do it. I don't see my family. I can't go alone----that would be even worse---but here we are. What should I do? What do people do with a partner who doesn't think anything's wrong and has nodesire to look at how they can be a better partner, for example? I'm afraid the same would be true if it wasn't sex-------it's about being a team, knowing, listening, I dunno, I feel trapped knowing too much about what I'm doing right, like I've been too good for too long.
