Trying to save (not sure if broken or bent) p2

[labug]

SF had mentioned earlier that he thought W might have been speaking disrespectfully about him to the kids. I was surprised to find that she was being very respectful and loving, although a bit shaming.

We all (most of us) walk around disconnected, in a fog, asleep, until we have some kind of awakening. Then we might become more introspective, willing to face our demons or we might just get more p!ssed off. We get to make that choice.

In the height of my "troubles" I knew I was unhappy and that I had interactions after which I thought, "wish I hadn't said that" but I never thought of myself as an ogre or a truly bad person. (sometimes I had those thoughts but I knew at my core I wasn't. All that goes way deeper than this discussion)

I'm pretty sure my H didn't wake up every day and think: Another Day in the Life of this Passive Conflict-Avoider. He was just being who he was.

I now have a very different perspective and can see the hurtful things I did and in some cases, why. I can be honest about my actions but I wasn't a bad person, I was doing the best I could at the time. Not an excuse, just the truth, that's all I had.

In the moment, before BD would you have described yourself the same way you would today? Have you thought to yourself, or of yourself: Well, I'm the pot calling the kettle black.

I wrote this on Maybell's thread yesterday: People who make us crazy are usually a good mirror, as they're reflecting something in us that we don't like. When someone triggers me these days, my first thought (well, maybe second) is hmmm, there's something I need to work on. I don't try to fix them, I work on fixing me.
(currently I'm practicing this a lot with my S21)

I'm not sure how clear this will be to others. Difficult concepts.