GG what, if you don't mind me asking, did the diagnosis for Asperger's do for you?
As best as I can tell it just means I/you/we see things differently. I may have a dozen friends that have it, but I don't feel like I'm missing anything in my relationship with them, even exes.
I mean, they don't give you medicine for Asperger's, right? It's like, I might be aware I see things differently, but I also am aware how things are and how "normal" people see the world----convincing anyone else, including a spouse, to understand how someone who thinks differently actually thinks probably wouldn't work with my wife because she has no empathy----I don't mean that in an outright bad way, but she's spontaneous by nature, 100%. Getting her to understand other people doesn't really work for her---------when people change, she shuts them out, permanently----people who were her best friends, or threw her a big wedding shower party and paid for it all, or people who wanted her in their wedding. Part of the reason I'm afraid to bring any of MY part up with her again is that I've seen how she rejects people completely and without remorse, people who didn't treat her badly (again, I'm not treating her badly or agruing over a SSM, I'm "hiding" my needs while continuing to act like nothing is wrong is how it feels and meeting her needs) and they still got completely dumped, for the lack of a better term.
She traveled the world with one friend, a really good friend, the one who knows more about her than anyone, the one I thought was best to come to first about choosing a ring for her. She doesn't "party" (she's 53) like my wife (50) and she used to for decades, and my wife doesn't want to have anything to do with her really. They didn't have a big fight or anything, they just lost things in common, life happened, and while her friend wants to stay friends and do dinner or sit by her pool, my wife dropped her. Same thing with the next best friend, who got engaged and wanted my wife to be in her wedding. She wouldn't even return the message, but came to me about how crazy she is to think she'd be in her wedding.
I'm not saying any of that to judge her----I'm saying it because I'm terrified of her doing to me what she's done to other people when I'm contemplating asking her to do something she doesn't want to do and listen. So I don't talk. I brought it up once and it was a nightmare. She doesn't read anything or talk to anyone about how to make a relationship work, so she doesn't know how, only the catch 22 is I can't tell her, either.
