Continuing my DB journey part 3

[T384]

I really think I'm getting to the point of dropping the rope.

Hang in there, you have come a long way in the past month. Before you do anything, go back to your first thread. Read that and see how far you have come.

I don't think there is hope anymore.

Sounds like you set an expectation.

I just want to move forward and accept he doesn't care about me. He is with someone else now and it's very public.

And are trying to mind-read.

Re-read DR and call me in the morning.

Haha still the same address/phone number? Lol

Yes .. I have made a ton of progress for myself as far as not crying everyday and becoming a better me. WE have made no progress. Actually it's worse. At least when I first came here. He would at least see me. We talked on the phone every night.

Here we are 2 months later and he's admitted to dating someone, won't answer a phone call, doesn't come around me, and I found out through looking at my phone bill that their relationship started in December.

[woundedfool]

Yes .. I have made a ton of progress for myself as far as not crying everyday and becoming a better me.

Sounds good, regardless how this turns out.

WE have made no progress.

Right, "WE" hasn't, YOU have.

Actually it's worse.

It is? For who? Him? "us"? or you?

Here we are 2 months later

2 months? Two Months? II Months? Too months?

Two months is nothing. Work on patience, otherwise, if you bring this up again, I will make you re-read your old threads and count how many times the quote: "this is a marathon, not a sprint" have been cited.

and I found out through looking at my phone bill that their relationship started in December.

BTW, I meant to tell you this earlier.... do NOT tip your hand to your H that you know about the texts, only share it with your attorney. Let her decide how/when to bring it up during the D.

[T384]

Ya I haven't mentioned a thing about the texts to H.

Yes I know this is a marathon but hopefully it rings true that things get worse before they get better

[woundedfool]

but hopefully it rings true that things get worse before they get better

It does.

[T384]

I never heard from h after last night when he asked if the boys wanted to Go with him tonight.

So I actually sent him a text asking if he planned on seeing the boys - he said yes. He came over like he used to and left before I got home. My oldest son said he was asking questions about how they got their new basketball hoop. Then my 3 year old was yelling daddy pays our bills. When I said what are you talking about he said daddy told me that. He told me he pays our bills. I'm so confused. Wish H wouldn't talk to them about 'our' problems. He seems to be able to talk to everyone about our issues including our 3 year old but not me!

Oh well I said nothing. Continue to plan to say nothing. I'll see him tomorrow night at basketball if he shows up. I have a feeling he will since OW is out of town.

[claire7]

Honestly? We empathize. It sux. HE sux.

The only ONLY thing you can do is rise above it. It sounds like he is acting like a child. He is dating a child, too! You are both pretty young, relatively... had your kids pretty young. He is just not quite ready to be a grownup. But your boys need more than that. YOU have to be the grownup. They need someone showing them what it looks like to put someone else's needs (theirs) above your own.

Work on yourself.

Stop doing so much thinking about what he is or isn't doing. You can't change or control him. Have you found any resources (book, support group, etc) for dealing with a difficult ex as a co-parent? You need that. Your L is not the best resource for that in terms of how to best help your sons emotionally.

Hang in there. But let go of some of your anger and frustration towards him so that you can become the best YOU possible.

[T384]

How do you let go the frustration and resentment towards what he is doing to our boys? Not that I can understand or reason with him choosing to leave our family for a girl but to do this to our two innocent children and treat them like this makes the mama bear in me want to come out. I honestly just wish he'd leave us alone at this point. It hurts the boys more when he shows up
Half the time. It's like they get used to him not coming then he comes one night and then we don't see him for awhile.

[JayMan]

Best advice I ever got: "Don't try to rationalize the irrational."

[claire7]

You just do, with grace and dignity (and counseling--are you in IC??). Because you have to. You are a good mom, a strong and stable and intelligent person, and you also need to show them you are not a victim-- show them you have resilience and even compassion for those who have hurt you.

We didn't choose our situation, but here we are. Life throws all kinds of sukky stuff at us...all we can do is be the best people we can be and Learn and move forward.

[woundedfool]

How do you let go the frustration and resentment towards what he is doing to our boys?

With work! DB'ing is not a passive activity. There is no magic pill that you can slip to H to make him wake up, you need to keep putting in the effort.

I honestly just wish he'd leave us alone at this point.

He kind of is leaving you guys alone.