Old dog seeks new trick

[Old Dog]

Ben, the biggest thing my therapist suggested was getting DB. I then looked up what it was all about and found this forum.

I have got a print-out of 'resources for feeling better' which is a list activities you can do to feel more positive e.g. keep a gratitde journal.

Another is a list of 'examples of cognition' with positive and negative cognitions. e.g. [subheading] 'Responsibilty' (I did something wrong) - I should have done something / I did the best I could (I ticked the former MrBond). This is from Francine Shapiro - 'Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing'.

I could scan these in at work tomorrow if they would be of use to someone.

I have only had two sessions so far, she's away this week, and much of that had been background and dealing with my grief and loss, so we have only really just started. The 'examples of cognition' was homework.

I've just finished chapter 2 of DB and am nodding along saying yup, yup that's right, I see that now. Lovin' the bit that says people can and do change.

I know MrBond has good advice. I've read quite a few of these threads. I'm using Sandi2's list as a bookmark too.

You need to do some activity that will help your R as well.

This is something with which I could do with some help. I realise my list is light in that respect. I've been advised to 'go dark'. I have read some of the 'Going Dark 101' thread, but I haven't got to the where this is in the book.

I'm working away from home 5 days a week, so that's pretty detached: not much contact there, but that has been the norm. Something I should have done and didn't is step up communications to combat the distance between us.

I don't know how to reconcile going dark with the need to do some activity that will help the R. I am trying to act positive when we are a family unit or with the kids, but not disclose too much info about how I'm getting on - just saying something like 'OK thanks, how about you?'

I don't know if I'm doing the right thing here. Should I start up long distance communication? She would obviously be wondering why I'm doing it now - too little, too late, I told you it's over. I could ask to speak to the kids, but that's a thin smokescreen.