It would mean the world to me if my wife and I could sit down and see eye to eye on our marriage. I know the reasons why she's reluctant.
Well hey, no offense but your LONG post outlining the past few years shows that you two have talked A LOT about the M. You pursue her when she's NOT interested and you rush your expectations (= pressure) on her the instant she warms at all, or merely acts civil. You engage in a great deal of mind reading and descriptions about where her eyes gaze, seem to mean more to you than any of us would comment or act upon. That's why we all urged you to STFU.
It's not shocking that she wants SPACE from you. She has been very clear and in my opinion, pretty resolute.
The exposure you did and still defend, shows a remarkable lack of insight into how you harm the relationship further, even now, and even while claiming to want a reconciliation.
When you say "Do you want to be right or happy?" I couldn't agree more. Hurt has made me want to be right. Hurt has also stopped me being happy. Hurt has made you want to hurt her, and hence the exposure. It's self righteous vindictiveness with the veneer of morality laid on top. Not the way to get a woman back btw...
Understand that every time you give into your neediness and or your anger, you push her farther away and actually prolong your own misery. Too bad.
How to repair that? How to Stop doing that?
DETACHMENT, which always always requires you to GAL
and that always always means getting out of your comfort zone, and into something in which
YOU GROW and or CHANGE.
I see all the hurt and angry folk being righteous and angry on the boards. Do I want to be like that? No. It's just not me.
I don't know what this^^ means. I DO know that the couples who reconcile rarely, if ever, have an LBS lashing out...it simply does not work.
To be honest, all that righteousness and anger has made me look like my mother. A person who, with the best of intentions, likes to involve herself in everyone's lives. My marriage too. My wife does hold a lot of resentment towards her for that. Fine. So tell your mother (lovingly, w/respect, but also w/ firm clarity) to STFU and then, you must stop doing the exact same things to your wife that your mother did/does.
It's a clear pattern for you.
She tearfully said once "I just wanted you to be yourself". That meant not angry and stressed all the time, strong enough to take whatever life threw at me, and be someone she could lean on too.
I'm sorry I got defensive with you earlier when you tried to help. Thanks man.
What are your 180s? (Name 2 specifics)
and what are your GAL? What can you join/explore/study or volunteer for or visit,
within the next 30 days? DO TWO (2) and see how much better you feel, which will make you detach more and do less harm to the m
and perhaps even seem interesting or changed, to your w....
but do it for YOU, not her.
If you really GAL, one of these things would happen.
You would be happier, more confident and more attractive...
and EITHER
your wife would notice and come back to you; or
she'd notice but not come back, OR
she'd NOT notice at all, and does not come back.
But YOU would still be better off, by far, by GAL.
YOU would still be happier, regardless of her choice.
This is not easy, I know, but it sure is not complicated.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
