Old dog seeks new trick

[Old Dog]

Man alive you're a tough cookie MrBond.

You don't have to keep on. I know I didn't do enough. I know I could have and didn't. I know I had warnings. I do accept responsibility for ALL of this. I am not trying to reapportion any of the blame.

When I said 'she's not perfect', I am quoting what she said to me. I think she was trying to soften the blow. She also added 'no-one is perfect' in the same sentence. I admit it could have come across as though I was trying to deflect some of the blame. I'm not. Please believe me when I say this. I mean it. It is my fault. I am embarrassed and ashamed that I failed her. I own it and I will regret this for the rest of my life whatever happens.

My marriage however, is important to me. Very important: I love being with her, we make each other laugh; I love to talk her, she is very candid; I love to hold her, she is so warm; I love her crazy hair in the morning, Ilove her style, I love the way she belches loudly without a care in the world (sometimes in public when she forgets), I love how she is raising our children (with me I hasten to add), I love the way she squarks with laughter, I love so many things about her.

What am I going to do? Do you want a list? I thought you didn't like lists of what people say they're going to do; you like action.

I am accepting full and unequivacal responsibilty for what has happened. But I am not wearing a hair shirt: that is passive aggressive. I'm through with that: other issues may take a while longer.

I am planning family activities which she may or may not want to join in with. I know she needs time off, that's OK.

I am a good father to our children: she says this, but I can and will do more because I only get to see them at weekends.

I am going to solution-focused therapy where I do not wallow in misery and complain how terrible everything is. I am trying to sort myself out and reverse those self defeating habits and thoughts.

I am looking for a martial arts class to join locally. I used to do this before we moved out on London.

I will get back into going to gigs, listening to and playing music. This was always my biggest passion. There's one in a couple of days time I can go to. And I want to see Television later on next month.

I am getting in touch with friends who now live further afield and making an effort to re-engage. I have already met up twice since Bday and called, texted and emailed others.

I will read more and learn about how to contribute to a successful relationship - I am half way through Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, but now DB has finally arrived, think I'll switch to that first.

I will take a more active role in my work.

These are just a few things I am doing or will do: there will be more. I am not satisfied with my current life as it stands.

I am looking to the future and I AM going to get a life.

If you have any further suggestions, or if you think I am missing something, I'm sure you'll chip in.