Hello! I am a LBS and don't want the D. I am praying for a "road to Damascus" miracle to change my H's mind, but D's obviously going to happen on 7/8 if my WAS H has his way and gets attorney to go to court on soonest possible date to get D finalized. Therefor, I am assuming D on 7/9/14.
Should I give H a divorce card? I have asked on the MLC forum, and was advised by one member NOT to do so, as it would be against DBing technique. At point of D, I'd think the DBing technique could be stopped.?
The card I have in mind is a photo card of the Grand Canyon being struck by lightening. There are not any inscriptions outside or inside. I was merely going to write something like "Thanks for our time together. I wish you happiness. Love always, me."
Does anyone else have any advise? I feel I should acknowledge closure...? To be truthful, I'm still in shock that all of this is happening, and not certain I trust my own judgement.
He won't take it as closure but just another attempt or an attack since he wants the divorce. Are you still wanting to save your marriage? I know D B has saved some marriages but in all honesty I believe it is about saving yourself.
The marriages I know that were saved were those where the LBS really had moved forward. They were already creating a new life sans spouse. It wasn't a ploy or a game. Just the way it was.
Please think about what your goals are.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
my motive is to say goodbye to him, and have closure for myself. I have been DBing and not discussing R or M and mentioning only light hearted casual issues. I feel that D day is one and only time a serious but very brief goodbye would be appropriate.
M 56 H 52 M 13.5 T 15 S 28 twinStep Ds 24 ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14 Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14 Divorce final 7/8/14
Good point, Kat. I feel that I'm not attacking him, but you think he would perceive the card as such? I feel as if I've been moving forward, but maybe this card would indicate otherwise???
M 56 H 52 M 13.5 T 15 S 28 twinStep Ds 24 ILYBNILWY BD 1/5/14 OW 4/11/14 Divorce petition efiled 5/5/14 Divorce final 7/8/14
I think he would see you doing this to make him feel bad. I know I was terribly sad when I found out the divorce was final. Now after nearly six years, I can see that I am better off. He did things his way only and didn't think or care what I needed. I sometimes think it has to do with him being an adopted only child. So much of his parents attention was on him and what they could do so he wouldn't stop seeing them.
It takes alot of work to get to a better place, I won't lie to you. But it does happen.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I agree with Kat. I would not send the card. If he is hell bent on getting the divorce he would never see the card as anything other than you being clingy, trying to make him feel bad about what he has done and trying to manipulate him into changing his mind.
From personal experience I know it [censored] to be the only one who wants to save the marriage - but at some point you have to start simply focusing on saving yourself. Best to you.
I hope it turns out to be everything good you never expected--and more.
That does actually happen sometimes. I have proof.
--GG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
