Still waiting it out.. 8 months on..

[mustardseed]

Hi Luke

thanks for checking in was just reading your thread.. ?

I am wondering if this is worth the stress?
I am wondering is he the guy people talk about who makes up his mind and does not shift?

I am wondering who I have been married to and why did he bother if it was 14 years of purgatory?
I am wondering how he managed to pretend so well for all those years?
I am wondering if sandis 37 rules will change things or just make it easier for me.
Sure there are small improvements. but the basics stay the same. he wants a divorce.. then we can discus the relationship and moving forward

I guess what I wonder most is why are all these WAS the same ? Why do they tell the same lies, harden their hearts in the same manner, act cruelly to someone they used to care about ( or acted as if they did)

I am tried of his attitude. I am tired of his anger- Why he is angry I am not sure. Would appear he is achieving his life dream.. free of anything to do with me.
I am tired of seeing him work so hard to justify his selfish decisions. I am tired of him forgetting he despised men who cheated.
i am tired of me.. that i can not get as angry as he is, that I refuse to write 14 years of my life off as a miserable experience i just pretended to like.
I am so tired and sad to see him work hard to be hateful and cruel and cold..to see the flashes of sdaness as he realises how his choices impact on others.. not just me.. but then pushes through with them anyway.

Luke.. I am feeling sorry for myself--- School is ending and with it will rapidly come the end of all the things, places,experiences I have enjoyed and valued and cared about these past 6 years while we lived here. I know people have it worse..
much worse..
tomorrow.. maybe I will feel more positive but tody. it is just a horrible mess caused by his selfishness and arrogance and inability to communicate or connect..
.

Oh man, Lou. This could have been written by me right down to the timing. Are we married to the same man?