WAW separation begins

[rayzzz]

Epic DB fail five minutes ago.
Kept reminding myself to be loving, quiet and confident and not get snarky and make jabs at her for putting us into this situation..she is a control freak and even though I have been lazy in the past, I have taken initiative to do things like pack up a room. She freaked and told me I did it all wrong and she always does this. I just cant win either way.
So I rebuffed her and said "there you go again, I cant win with you. If I am lazy I get nailed, if I do stuff I get nailed" blah should have validated before when she freaked. By then my emotions were on my sleeve...quiet brooding..just wanted to launch into it and instead said "I need a moment" and have closed the door and am sending out a mayday...mayday...somene throw me a line vets!

ah well I am amped up and I did apologize and tell her the friend I am roommates with just changed his mind and said my kids cant come over and stay over so that just really hurt me. Its the only place in my budget right now but I guess I can find friends places to "camp out with my kids" twice a week when I have them. Make it out to be a game for them cause I need to tuck these guys into bed at night like I have been as a SAHD for the past year six nights a week.Little guy is almost four...dont want to waste any more time. Good thing is my goal this summer is to make as much money as I can to rent a good place for my kids.

so right now I am not even doing a 45 much less a 180. Gonna try to dust myself off, face her and keep packing...longest week of my life. Y'know she said "well we aren't even gonna try are we? (to have a good week, moving and separating)" and I wanna scream "H#LL NO! I hate THIS!!"

But the db bible says otherwise. Discouraged but grasping at God's hands and peace to help me do just that....try to have a good week...with grace, quietness, peace, love and confidence.
I messed up but I ain't leaving the db club yet cause I still got work to do on myself and a beauty to rescue....