Going back to an earlier post here, but these statements seem to continue showing up after you dropped the rope.
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I have a concert again tonight... not sure how to approach it, again as I will need to leave at 5. GRR
Why be concerned about it? Why make it a big dramatic deal? You've had several people draw a picture of what that would look like, so why why are you saying you're not sure?
The next news was about the OMG statement from xbf over a pretty girl, where you admit it bothers you. And again, you analyze and wonder how to handle it.
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NOW, they bug me & not sure why he does it (not thinking??) & how I should handle it.
Magic, do you really read what people give you?
I have to wonder if the pretty girl incident (b/c it bugged you how he acted)was the foundation for being hurt that he didn't keep you more in the loop about his mother.
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I am hurt/confused!!! why wouldn't he keep me informed? but not sure how to respond/react towards him today. Why wouldn't he keep me in the loop? Can anyone explain why he wouldn't want to tell me?
Do you really have to ask why? My question to you is why should he? You want to break off the emotional & personal ties with him, and yet you are hurt and confused he wasn't giving you "more" information than the update he had already given. And he did give you an update!
You are not his W and this was not your MIL. He didn't have to tell you anything. When R's cease to exist it changes the entire dynamics within the family structure. Whether it's a death or divorce, nothing will ever be quite the same again.
I am not saying you can no longer love his mother or show concern for her health issues. But don't depend upon him as a life-line to her. Don't go through him to reach out to her, if you really love her that much. Don't use either one, and don't try to make brownie points with either of them.
Do not allow yourself to fall right back into your old thought patterns about him. If you will be honest, you know you used this unfortunate occasion as your excuse to contact.....and keep contacting him. His mother was the bait you put on your hook. He didn't bite the second time....and now you are in a tizzy. (But I'm glad you didn't cancel the concert to sit by his side. )
Take it from a gal that has spent many, many hours in hospitals waiting.....sometimes there's simply nothing to update! Maybe he told you as much as he knew. Maybe he had his hands full. Maybe he's a jerk, IDK. But he didn't owe you anything b/c you are no more than a business partner, remember. Those are cold, hard facts that you would like to be able to dish out to him...but you can't handle the same in return.
You have already had two things to happen that could test your resolve to not pick that rope up again. One was with your D's accident. BTW, I thought you handled that pretty well. I was really hoping you wouldn't use it as a crutch. You seemed to have gotten through that experience without making it (or his actions)into more than it was.
Now, the second thing has happened in a few days. The first was your family member, the second was his family member. Get through this with the same inner strength, grace and poise you would see the Queen of England showing. Afterwards, you should be able to deal better with the smaller situations b/c you passed through the tougher ones. Right?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
)
