Screw it, you're right Starsky, if sex is important to me I should just start thinking of how to leave. I don't want to but I think you're right about this and if it is me being "needy" then I married the wrong person to meet my needs, simple as that.
I never said that you wanting a healthy sex life with your wife was being "needy."
I characterized your above post and reaction to the last 24 hours as coming across as needy.
However, based on your patience for dealing with the SSM issues and a woman turning 50 and whatever else she may have going on, I tend to agree that you have neither the patience, temperament nor empathy for working thru it with her. If you cannot place your own needs on hold for even 24 HOURS without needing to cling to her, then you probably have no hope of doing the hard work necessary to find a potential solution to this.
Starsky
I think you're misinterpreting my patience.
I can (and have) gone much longer than 24 hours without feeling alone or upset about having a sexless marriage, without bringing it up, without pressuring her, without expecting her to change or care about my needs. Give me at least SOME credit because I've worked hard at it and our relationship has gotten even better as a result.
But at some point I can't completely forget and not feel lonely or unwanted ot not think about sex. Hell, even when I thought I was able to, I had a wet dream. It was horrible, crushed my ego, felt like a secret I had to keep.
For example, last night I couldn't sleep. I was exhausted, but couldn't fall asleep. It wasn't that I couldn't sleep because I felt alone and upset about my sexless marriage, but it is that crazy or "impatient" of me that it happens? Hell, sex MAKES me sleepy--------did you know when men have sex it releases a chemical that makes them sleepy? Women don't have that, but it's a physiological truth in men. It's like, not only do I want/need sex, but nobody would say I don't need sleep, and here next to me is my beautiful wife who doesn't want me to lose sleep but doesn't want to have sex with her husband. Can you not see how that doesn't make me feel BETTER?
Like, you're telling me to forget about my need of sex. HOW?! I've tried; it's not like I haven't tried, and most of the time I've gotten very good about it, but I KNOW in six months I won't be able to stop myself from having feelings of doubt and rejection and hurt. I didn't plan on feeling that way last night------it just happened and it hurt, not because I'm not patient. I'm a good looking guy and I'm nice-------women flirt with me, or at least it feels like flirting because it feels so good in a way I miss getting from my wife. I don't reciprocate, I am afraid to say anything to most women now, but when someone says "hey handsome" or something like that I can't help but feel like I wish my wife actually thought about me that way.
