Hi daring, I know that feeling of wanting to be loved/desired! The worst thing I think is that, even as they act like such selfish jerks our S's get to know that we still want them. One of the reasons detachment works is that they start to feel like maybe they are going to lose us forever. That it's not up to them to decide if or when they come back.
I know that if I had just met my W and she started to act like she does now, there is no way I would allow her in my life. She needs to make big changes as your H does as well. Hopefully you can wait out while your H goes through his stages and gets to the point where he can truly see what damage his actions are causing and how he is as much at fault for where your M is at. Until then, talking about the R will get you nowhere as I have found out. They only hear what they want, only see what makes what they are feeling "ok". All it does is remind them of what they are feeling right now.
Hang in there daring. Take this time apart to recharge and get a break from the stress of having him around!
