Thanks GB and Lois, You are so right about being with someone who is broken. My W has had issues from the start but like all us romantics, I believed that love could conquer all. We really were in love. She was different than any other woman I had ever been with. Now, I see that that person is gone. She doesn't even look the same! She see's old pics of herself and she says how awful she looked back then (before laser eye surgery and losing weight and changing her hair color, etc.) and I think how much more beautiful she was back then! She has become hard, brittle and selfish.
I have much to offer someone. I would have moved heaven and earth for her and did on occasion. I tried to help her get whatever it was she wanted in her life starting with helping her finish college before we even got married. Now she says she just can't find her joy with me part of her life. It just makes no sense at all. I've been thinking about our past and I have seen her lose every friend she has ever had. My W would lose interest or something would happen and she felt slighted and just stop caring. They would try and contact her, make an effort but my W would just cut them out of her life. Her friends now all work with her so she can't cut them out of her life. If she were to stop working with them, I have no doubt that in short order they would also disappear from her life as well.
I need to stop all thoughts of her or my M. Time to think about what is best for me which isn't as easy as it sounds when I have been thinking of someone else's needs before my own for so very long. This is so much harder than I ever thought it would be but like GB said, I didn't choose to be in the place I am but that doesn't change the fact that I am here. Time to get to work making my life the best it can be!
