Newbie needs help

[igit]

looking back I would say I didn't make her my number 1 priority. I was focused on my business which is a home building company. during the housing depression we almost had to bankrupt the company. I would come home depressed. She never complained about money. I just let her focus on the kids. I should have given her more free time on weekends from kids and spent more alone time with her. One of the big issues in our marriage was not listening to her when she came to me with issues. issues were her father and brother it seemed she took turns complaining about them, Her dad divorced her mother when my wife was 2 yrs old. He left my wife and her 2 brothers to marry another woman. he was a successful doctor who investwed wisely and made a lot of money. but was a horrible father to all the kids > especially my wife. the boys were the ones he always focused on. And to this day she is always looking for his conditioned love. Her dad is a classic Narcissists all he ever does is put everyone down to make himself look better. that includes my brother in laws wife, parents, his own wifes parents. Anyway instead of listening to her and showing empathy I tried to fix things. I really didn't understand the magnitude of a persons childhood on the life until all this talk about her unhappiness and feeling dead. She just seemed to come to the point where she just doesn't care anymore and has given up. We get along well for the most part and agree on major decisions. Our kids have been the main focus of our marriage. Wife is 48yrs old and has been pretty much a stay at home mom. Twin boys are 6 yrs old and were full time in school this past school yr. I think wife was really looking at her life in the fall with all this free time <when kids were at school> and really started to get depressed about her life , her marriage etc... I wish I could turn back the clock but cant do that. I really have looked in the mirror at myself and what I really wanted to become. I have taken major steps in that direction. First thing was my faith in God. I needed to get closer to God and have in a major way. I have become more active in the church, bible study has been awesome. I made a new yrs resolution to not watch as much tv and started to read at night. When the big ILYBDLY talk happened I changed my reading business books to relationship, self help, etc... I have read 15 or 16 books in the last 4 months. I have really focused on improving my relationship with all of our kids. I have been more of a listener with wife. Trying not to fix anything with wife but just listen to her and show compassion. I am trying to detach from her but it is so hard with the kids involved. I am not sure where this is headed a big D or some kind of start over. I am trying to give this sitch to God but it is hard. I love my wife and family! I know it could be so much better!