We go to a small methodist church since we moved to this town 8 yr ago. All kids baptisms there. Wife has been more active in church with womans groups, bible study etc. She told me she grew closer to God in sept.2013 and was praying that I would grow closer to God. Her A started in November , she gave me all the Ilybnilwy a and wanted a D in Feb. Since then she has refused to talk with pastor, has gone to church with our family 3 or 4 times since this talk about D started in early feb. Her freinds from church have tried to reach out to her but she says she is a ashamed. It's a small church and apparent there is a problem with us by her not being there. My post on praying for her was for God to forgive give for for A and to somehow find a way for her to allow Jesus back into her life. I have been praying to God to forgive me it does take 2 in a marriage and I certainly played a part in her unhappiness from marriage.
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
looking back I would say I didn't make her my number 1 priority. I was focused on my business which is a home building company. during the housing depression we almost had to bankrupt the company. I would come home depressed. She never complained about money. I just let her focus on the kids. I should have given her more free time on weekends from kids and spent more alone time with her. One of the big issues in our marriage was not listening to her when she came to me with issues. issues were her father and brother it seemed she took turns complaining about them, Her dad divorced her mother when my wife was 2 yrs old. He left my wife and her 2 brothers to marry another woman. he was a successful doctor who investwed wisely and made a lot of money. but was a horrible father to all the kids > especially my wife. the boys were the ones he always focused on. And to this day she is always looking for his conditioned love. Her dad is a classic Narcissists all he ever does is put everyone down to make himself look better. that includes my brother in laws wife, parents, his own wifes parents. Anyway instead of listening to her and showing empathy I tried to fix things. I really didn't understand the magnitude of a persons childhood on the life until all this talk about her unhappiness and feeling dead. She just seemed to come to the point where she just doesn't care anymore and has given up. We get along well for the most part and agree on major decisions. Our kids have been the main focus of our marriage. Wife is 48yrs old and has been pretty much a stay at home mom. Twin boys are 6 yrs old and were full time in school this past school yr. I think wife was really looking at her life in the fall with all this free time <when kids were at school> and really started to get depressed about her life , her marriage etc... I wish I could turn back the clock but cant do that. I really have looked in the mirror at myself and what I really wanted to become. I have taken major steps in that direction. First thing was my faith in God. I needed to get closer to God and have in a major way. I have become more active in the church, bible study has been awesome. I made a new yrs resolution to not watch as much tv and started to read at night. When the big ILYBDLY talk happened I changed my reading business books to relationship, self help, etc... I have read 15 or 16 books in the last 4 months. I have really focused on improving my relationship with all of our kids. I have been more of a listener with wife. Trying not to fix anything with wife but just listen to her and show compassion. I am trying to detach from her but it is so hard with the kids involved. I am not sure where this is headed a big D or some kind of start over. I am trying to give this sitch to God but it is hard. I love my wife and family! I know it could be so much better!
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
That's some very good insight and not easy to do. Thanks for taking the time.
Sounds like you've made helpful changes in you. Keep it up.
Would you agree that there are many ways to be unfaithful to your M or W? You've alluded to what you were putting before your W and M, maybe all of this is a message from God to you.
You may have been slow to hear it but now you have.
Her R with God is hers. Don't interfere, that's trying to fix.
You have plenty to do in working on you.
In all that reading, did you come across the Cloud and Townsend books on relationships and boundaries?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Last night I heard the wife take off around 1245am She will take a drive when she has trouble sleeping and something is on her mind. usually gone for 30-60minutes. anyway it was raining pretty hard. I sent her a text around 145am to see if she was ok. I cant sleep knowing she is driving around this late at night, she texted back ok driving listening to music be home in an hour or less. At 4am I sent a text are you ok. at 530am she sent back ok. she got home 545am I couldn't sleep so got up and went to work early. was going to take daughter to volleyball this morning at 830am but decided to get my work day started early. wife can get up and take her. I have a hard time believing she was driving around for 5 hours listening to music. I have a feeling she may have been at OM home. My 180 tells me to not bring it up or say anything! This would be a 180 for sure.But I have 3 kids and I feel like I need to set some boundaries. any advice
M 54 W 48 T 19 M 17 D 12 Twin S 6 Twin S 6 Ilybnilwy 1/26/14 A discovered 2/3/14 D filed 7/25/14 Sumons served 8/14/14
