Possilble WAW

[PeterV2]

Dawgy; It's totally counter-intuitive. But it's worked for me. We're still not back together, but more because of work demands - she works nights. But she has ended her affair. She came back to me back in late May and we made love. We're now going to counselling together. We still have a lot to deal with but I would not have gained this much ground if I had continued pursuing. Read my thread. On a scale of 1 to 10, in Dec we were at a 1 but I feel now it's at a 4. Still a long way to go but progress has been made. It took us 5 years to get to the point of crisis. I can't expect it to return to a loving caring marriage in a week, a month or ever a year. I could be looking at a 4-5 year healing process. I certainly hope it happens quicker, but setting my expectations too high will just lead me to disappointment.

I still snoop from time to time but it does me no good. My imagination is worse than reality. It's hard but really necessary to be self-disciplined about this.

You won't detach to the point you don't care about her. But you can detach to the point that you don't try to touch her at night until things turn around which may be months.
Yes I know this is unbearably difficult. We've all been there.
Hang in there and keep following Sandi's rules.