She says she's conflicted

[Oxford1]

As someone who has just worked this out, the OM really shouldn't be all your focus.
He is a symptom. Not a cause.

The OM is most likely the opposite of yourself and totally unsuited to your wife.
These people sneak in, fulfil your wife's needs when you aren't/or unable to, and your wife subconsciously rewires her brain to cope with any guilty feelings.
He is NOT Superman. Just a parasite.

Do whatever you have you to do to pour some water on those hot angry coals of anger. Any displays of anger just serve the OM and not you.

I AGREE WITH YOU so much here!!

Spouses don't return when you're bashing them over the head with morality either.
As much as people seem to think it does.

Do what works and be patient. Try not to validate her choices for her though. That is the fine art.

Understood. I have to really focus on me.
This morning when she left for work she kisses me good-bye and says I love You, but in the back of my mind I know the minute she turns the corner shes calling him from her mobile phone..and will tell him the same thing...

I need to completely drop anything to do with him from my life and my thoughts. I have to act like he never existed.

I don't think he can drop me. I think he is more threatened by her relationship with me then anyone will ever know.

It is she and I that are seeing this MC as a reltionship coach, seperately but its about us. When WAW gets upset she does say she is going to leave both men..She never says me for him!!

The thing that I have to remember is that she left me. she moves away, she came back.
Then after her last trip she said she was getting an apartment. The MC convinced her to stay...we all know no one can convince you to do anything you don't want to.

Its as if she was conflicted and needed an independent party to tell her to stay.

Even my S16 psychiatrist believes my Wife comes back for me and uses Son as an excuse.

SO shes here, shes in OUR home, she is with me most of the time...

I just have to ignore the OM.