"Man The F*** Up" The Ultimate 180

[RedHawk98]

I believe I have less anger in me now because, instead of being defensive with you before as I was, I'm looking for the truth and advice in what you're saying.

No longer hiding her secret and gave me nothing more to feel angry about.

This second exposure was not accidental. It happened around a week ago.
I selected the Family list on FB, so that only people who she knew would know.
This wasn't a full nuclear exposure.
This second exposure wasn't an accident. I snapped.

If I come off as righteous, it's only because I don't like my wife lying to and about me, and being with another man.
It hurts.

So far as to how my wife feels, that has been very difficult to follow during bomb drop and separation.
She contradicts everything she says, shifts blame at any opportunity, and just wants to sweep everything under the carpet.
I have gently asked if we can talk to take away the toxicity many times im the last 12 months. This request is always ignored too.

Attractiveness was actually an issue. One of the changes she required of me. That has been noticed and impressed her.

In answer to your main question, I do actually know the answers.

My wife wanted to see me happy again.
I did lose a big part of my personality for the last year we were together.
Aside from the separation and imminent divorce, everything else in life is much better now.
Another big part of this is respect.
Her financially supporting us both for a while was something she had no issue with (I had supported is both for a while too). But it was used by OM and her friend to generate resentment toward me.

What is interesting is that she becomes almost childlike in avoiding anything that might alter the frame of mind she needs to move forward.

"I told you I don't need to hear that" is something I'm regularly told if I tell her anything positive regarding a future between us.
She has made many missassumptions during our difficult months together and the future we had.

It's like she does not want to see or hear anything that interferes or alters her perception of myself or our marriage.