Line in the sand

[mustardseed]

Good for you! Walking through that door is the hardest step.

Your H doesn't have to be an "alcoholic" for you to attend and get benefit from AlAnon, it's for friends and family of problem drinkers. You get to decide if it's a problem for you.

AlAnon helped me in the detaching process, if you keep going and work the program, you'll get there and it will help you in all your Rs.

Why did his daily drinking seem normal?

IDK. I used to drink every day (glass of wine or two) until I started watching my calories. My father drinks every day and it never had any sort of adverse effect on his life from what I have seen. When H drinks he usually buys a few 24 oz and will drink maybe 1 1/2 of them--half empty cans were always left around the house. He has just recently started buying them again but I see he is not finishing them. He will pour himself a pint then leave the rest in the fridge--not sure if it is daily. But he isn't drinking enough to get a buzz.

Having a drink every day never seemed abnormal to me. Then again I have had my issues with alcohol in the past. I almost feel like the moment I decided to get control of it (back in September 2011) was the moment our relationship started to change. I finally addressed my issues with drinking after we had a bad fight. I crossed all sorts of lines. I felt so remorseful and swore I would never get like that again. And I haven't, but he just started pulling away. I thought it was because he couldn't forgive me for that night, but then I started wondering if it was because without me as a drinking buddy, he no longer felt we had anything in common. Maybe he is right. I really don't know.

After that fight a whole lot of things started happening. I started panicking about money and my job situation. A friend of mine lost a young child to the flu that winter, my grandmother died in a very unexpected way that spring, he turned 40, then came Sandy which brought to light how unprepared we are for any sort of crisis, big or small(luckily we were not effected except for a few weeks of no power; but many of our loved ones were). Life just stopped making sense and I know it changed me. At first I was getting all crazy and neurotic--completely unattractive. Then I started going to church (another elephant in the room, I think), and it helped me deal with all of that--I not the old me that just was happy go lucky and ignore everything because it always works out anyway, but I also wasn't the high strung, everything is wrong and I have to get total control me that I was turning into back in 2011-2012. I feel like going to church has helped me find a mature balance--still a work in progress, but I am so much better than I was. But I think it makes him uncomfortable.

I found an alanon meeting that meets once a week not to far from my home. I plan on going this week. I think that I might really benefit from the program.